KINGSLEY, IowaBy early March each year, Siouxland juniors and seniors have their prom dates secured. Rachel Bird, a senior at Kingsley-Pierson High School, did not. Rather than panic, Bird tweeted a request to her hero, Tim Tebow, the Heisman Trophy winner who plays quarterback for the New York Jets. Yes, a Bird in Kingsley tweeted Tebow to join her at prom. “I asked if he had plans on April 28 because I didn’t have a date to prom,” said Bird, daughter of Bob and Carol Bird of Kingsley. K-P classmate Travis Neumann told Bird he’d give her $50 if she and Tebow walked arm-in-arm into the Panthers’ prom. Weeks passed. This Bird’s tweet got no response from Tebow, his agent or the Jets. Undaunted — or maybe a little daunted — Bird found a picture of Tebow showing him in a sharp vest and tie. She took the photo to Staples in Sioux City and asked the pros there if they could make a life-sized vinyl reproduction of the photo. “I knew you could get industrial prints pretty cheaply at Staples, but a color picture like this was going to cost $80,” Bird said. “I couldn’t spend $80 for a joke.” As Bird departed, a Staples employee mentioned a sale on such reproductions would take place the last week of April. Bird could get her Tebow color print for $19.95 at that time. Bird considered the tip, then dropped it. Last week, she made plans to go to dinner with her father before the prom dance. Bob Bird left Monday for a new insurance job in Plymouth, Minn. The prom dinner would mark a memory for Dad and daughter.

Well what the fuck is wrong with this chick? Looks like a smoke to me, no? Scrambling at the last minute for a prom date is something fat chicks and nerdy dudes do. Not blond smokes. And don’t even get me started on almost bringing your dad. Are you out of your fucking mind, babe? Bringing your dad to prom is straight up social suicide.

More importantly, everyone knows the prom is all about getting fucked up and getting laid. And you ain’t getting either of those things whether you bring the real life Tim Tebow or a cardboard cut out. I mean I bet that 2 dimensional Tebow has a better chance of getting his dick hard than the real life 3D version. Just an awful game plan by this broad. You want some advice for your senior prom, toots? Next year take a cardboard cut out of Tommy Lee with a big swinging dildo stick out, slug some punch, and go pop that cherry in the bathroom. Then waddle out of there all bow legged with the prom queen tiara