China People’s DailyU.S. website The Onion has named North Korean supreme leader Kim Jong Un as the “Sexiest Man Alive for the year 2012″. ”With his devastatingly handsome, round face, his boyish charm, and his strong, sturdy frame, this Pyongyang-bred heartthrob is every woman’s dream come true. Blessed with an air of power that masks an unmistakable cute, cuddly side, Kim made this newspaper’s editorial board swoon with his impeccable fashion sense, chic short hairstyle, and, of course, that famous smile,” it said. ”He has that rare ability to somehow be completely adorable and completely macho at the same time,” said Marissa Blake-Zweiber, editor of The Onion Style and Entertainment.

God Bless China. Buncha wacky idiots. Out of all the shit that Chinese people do, this might be their goofiest moment. I mean they eat cats and dogs for dinner but taking one look at my man Kim Jong Un and thinking he could have won sexiest man alive has gotta be their lowest moment as a people. I mean I suppose in that fat, dictator-with-a-bowl-cut sorta sexy, he’s got it goin on. Maybe in that “tell me I’m sexy or I’ll blow you up with nuclear weapons” way he takes the cake. But thats China for you. Just the least self aware people on the planet earth. They can win gold medals in gymnastics and probably clone humans in laboratories and solve math theorems but when it comes to knowing what the women of the world want to fuck, they’re clueless. Thats why all their porn is aliens with tentacles fucking girls or guys raping women on buses. They just don’t know what women want at all.

PS – How many more years is Ryan Gosling gonna get snubbed for this award? Is this like when they gave the MVP to Barkley and Malone even though everyone knew Jordan deserved it? Like they just don’t wanna be predictable and boring so they don’t give it to the most deserving dude?