CINCINNATI – The so-called “Mile High Club” is having sex on a plane. And one local air company provides the opportunity to do just that for Tri-State thrill-seekers. 9 News got an inside look at one of the area’s best-kept and most controversial secrets. Sightseeing takes on a different meaning onboard those flights. Welcome to Cincinnati’s Flamingo Air , where turbulence is expected. “I have had a high heel in my ear once, been shot in the back of the head with a champagne cork, and thank God we wear headsets,” said “Captain” Dave MacDonald. At the center of the aircraft, a cushioned love seat, champagne glasses and a box of chocolates. The rest of the hour is up to you.”We play up the romance, it is not the down and dirty let’s have sex on an airplane, it is the romance of it, and that is why we get the champagne and chocolates,” McGee said. You can even set the flight path, with many mile-highers picking Tri-State landmarks to fly over. Do you love the Reds? Hit a home run over Great American Ball Park. Is football more your thing? Score a touchdown above Paul Brown Stadium. “If they want to fly over something we will point it out, but generally they are occupied with other things,” Dobbins said. The only thing separating you from the pilot is a small curtain and his discretion. “He has no clue what is going on in the back because he has headsets, he is flying the airplane, he is talking to air traffic control,” McGee said. “We have done as many as eight [flights] in one day,” said Sharon McGee, co-president of Flamingo Air and wife of MacDonald.

Love is in the air folks! Or should I say, hardcore fucking is in the air! I’ve never joined the Mile High Club, but I’d have to imagine its not all its cracked up to be. Especially with this Flamingo Air. Cramming into a little propeller plane and fucking my girl above the Browns Stadium??? Jeez I can barely control my boner just thinking about it. For sure not.

Bottom line is flying sucks. So fucking while flying has to be sub-par too. Don’t get me wrong, if I have the choice of sitting in my seat fighting the fat guy for elbow room or getting my rocks off, I’m going for rocks 100 times out of 100. But I just wouldn’t set my hopes too high. Its like all the other types of overrated sex:

4. Sex In A Car – You know where the idea for having sex in a car came from? People who had no other choice but to fuck in a car. Either kids or people who were cheating who need to sneak around. People stuck in some weird predicament where they can’t fuck in a bed. Its not ideal to have sex in a car. Either the stick shift is digging into you or the seat belt buckles are going up your ass. Your head is hitting the roof and her legs are folded up like an accordion. Don’t forget to pull out and ruin the upholstery on the backseat. Sucks.

3. Mile High Club – Your ears are popping. You’re breathing in nothing but stale air. Babies are crying, fat people are snoring. Anyone that has a tan and a little bit of facial hair you’re convinced is a terrorist. Every now and then there’s turbulence that scares the fuck out of you. Oh boy am I in the mood now! Lets go fuck in the bathroom thats 2 square feet and smells like a port-a-potti. Maybe when we finish up and stumble out of the bathroom the Air Marshall will slap us in cuffs and arrest us. If the sex in the bathroom wasn’t great, don’t worry, customs and the Feds will have their fingers up your ass as soon as we land

2. Food Sex – Ali Larter’s Whipped Cream Bikini in Varsity Blues changed the world forever. Because it gave people the notion that having sex with food condiments was hot. Whipped cream, chocolate sauce, fucking Jello and pudding. It all looks great in the movies. Then you try it in real life and you just end up a sticky mess craving ice cream like a fat person. Plus, a chick spraying a line of whipped cream down my hairy ass stomach is just flat out gross. Leave it to the movies, folks.

1. Sex in the shower – Sex in the shower is probably the most common of all these things and thats why I deem it the most overrated. Everyone has pretty much tried it. And most people continue to try it. And it pretty much continually sucks. You know whats hot? Making out and a little foreplay in the shower. Its all hot and steamy, soaking wet, hands wandering. And thats where it stops. Because of 2 things really: 1) Apparently water has the uncanny ability to make your dick numb and cancel out all the good feelings of sex. and 2) Unless you and the girl are the exact perfect height for each other, sex standing up is a disaster. She ain’t flexible like a circus/porn star, you ain’t strong enough to hold her up. I just feel like everyone ends up on their tip toes trying to line all the necessary pieces up.Great in theory, even feels like its gonna be great up until the moment of truth, and then you’re just soaking wet and taking forever to finish.