US News- New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg got his wish: The city’s board of health voted to ban sugary drinks larger than 16 ounces Thursday. Under the ban, restaurants, food carts, cafeterias, and concession stands, such as those in movie theaters, won’t be allowed to sell sodas larger than 16 ounces in the city… In a statement last week supporting the ban, Bloomberg took a stand against super-sized sodas. ”As the size of sugary drinks has grown, so have our waistlines,” he said. “Our proposal for reasonable portion sizes won’t prevent anyone from buying or drinking as much soda as they want, but it will help people keep from inadvertently taking in junk calories simply because the small drink they ordered was actually very large.”

So wait a minute this is actually real life now? Up until this point I just thought this was Bear Jew Bloomberg flexing his muscles trying to find ways to fill up his time since he’s been mayor for like 22 years. Just material for my blog once a month when he comes up with a new food or condiment thats supposedly ruining the world. But now reality is setting in – Bloomberg is fucking with my soda.

Does this really mean I can’t order a large soda in McDonalds?? Do you know how fucking insane that is? Stuff my face with a Big Mac and a large fries but I only get a Dixie cup of soda. Fuck that! Its insanity.

Worst part about this – besides the obvious breach of American freedom and our unwavering dedication to being obese – is that now you gotta ration your drink while eating. I have a steadfast rule that I need at least 2 sizable gulps of soda after I’m done eating to wash everything down. If I don’t have that I feel like the meal never really concluded. So ordinarily I just order like a 128 oz soda to cover my bases and drink as much as I want. Now with some baby serving of soda I gotta treat every sip like its fuckin liquid gold. Make sure I leave a decent gulp at the end. Awful.

Fuck Bloomberg! Fuck rationing my drink! Viva La soda! Viva La freedom!