Smoking Gun – A couple who decided to have sex atop an outdoor table at a Florida restaurant–in full view of families dining nearby–avoided criminal charges because witnesses declined Monday night to provide statements to police. The manager of Paddy Murphy’s, an Orlando eatery, summoned cops after he “was notified by several patrons that a couple was having sex on a table in view of minor children,”according to an Orlando Police Department report. Tom Murphy told officers that he approached the couple early Monday evening and told them to stop. But the man, identified by cops as Jeremie Calo, responded, “She can’t get up at this time.” Calo, 32, was referring to his companion Tiffani Lynn Barganier. Calo and Barganier, 32, are pictured above. Murphy told police that he directed Calo to “Compose yourself, pay your tab or I’ll call the police.” Calo, however, signed his check “NO” and then scuffled with a restaurant employee when he tried to leave without paying. Murphy and the worker restrained Calo until the arrival of cops, who arrested Calo for defrauding an innkeeper. But Calo and Barganier dodged charges related to their alleged public lewdness. “The parents of the young children that observed Calo and Barganier having sex declined to write statements regarding their observations,” noted police. The report does not further detail why the witnesses opted not to provide statements. Calo and Barganier were both “trespassed from Paddy Murphy’s for a period of one year,” reported Officer Anthony Wongshue.

I want a background check on Jeremie Calo and Tiffani Lynn Barganier. Who are these two? This is like some mafioso shit right here. Start fucking your girl right on top of the table with no regard for the consequences. When the bill comes you just write “NO” on it. Scuffle with some restaurant employees. And when its all said and done you walk because “nobody saw anything.” “Witnesses couldn’t remember.” This cocky motherfucker and his smokestack girl friend are untouchable. They’re Made. They’re either in the mafia or they’ve got diplomatic immunity or something. Nobody slings dick that casually with complete disregard for the law without knowing they can’t be touched.

PS – Whats the better line from this guy Jeremie Calo: When the owner asked them to stop fucking and he said “She can’t get up right now.” or when his bill came and he just signed it “NO.” As much as I appreciate the fact that his dick was inside his girlfriend and the best he could muster up was “She can’t get up at this time,” I think I like the move with the bill better. Just such a blatantly disrespectful move. Here’s how much money you owe me – “No.” Classic.