San Diego, California News Station – KFMB Channel 8 – cbs8.com

Huff Po - A hot air balloon that soared thousands of feet into the air crash-landed in a San Diego backyard moments after Jonathan and Kerin Narcisse exchanged wedding vows, according to KGTV. A strong gust of wind forced the pilot to abort the sunset ceremony and make the unplanned touchdown, according to KFMB. The strong wind blew the balloon about one mile off course and swung the basket holding the couple and 12 others, KNBC said. Guests whipped out cellphones and recorded the scene. After bouncing off the ground, the yellow and blue balloon crashed into trees and a fence at the top of a hill behind the home. One guest suffered minor back injuries. Everyone else walked away, albeit shakily, from the accident and continued on to the reception.

First thing’s first, Hannah Mullins, whats up!

Secondly, destination weddings are big enough pain in the ass as it is. Asking a bunch of people to fly all over the country just to watch you make the biggest mistake of your life is a bit presumptuous. But ordinarily they’re nice locations so at least your guests get a kick out of it. Like I just got back from weddings in Miami and up in the Rocky Mountains. No complaints there.

But if you tell me you’re getting married in a fucking hot air balloon, then you can suck my dick. Have fun without me, assholes. Because that is such an unbelievably douchey move its absolutely guaranteed some sort of karma is gonna bite you in the ass and send you crashing to the ground the moment you say “I Do.” Thats why its so funny here listening to this Homie Spumoni Mike Tirico lookalike talk about it. He knows how fucking stupid it was. “She said she went out and arranged for us to get married in a hot air balloon and I said “I’m scared of heights” with an eye roll and a look of “you fucking white bitches are absolutely insane.” Seriously you know he was thinking “If I had just married Shadynasty from around the way, we woulda got married at the Baptist church and had the reception at the waffle house. I shoulda listened to Mama.” But white women are the Black Man’s Kryptonite so now he’s 500 feet in the air in a goddam balloon.

PS – This is my favorite shot from the whole thing:

Uncle fucking Henry hugging up on Homie Spumoni’s niece thinking “If this was a normal wedding we’d be doing the fucking Cupid Shuffle by now and maybe I could get a blow job in one of those photo booths.”