Fox 2 News Headlines

Huff PoJason Festerman may be facing jail time after spraying his son in the face with a product called “Liquid Ass.” Yes, there is a product called “Liquid Ass.” ”It smells like somebody hasn’t took a bath for three months and their butt is really, really sweaty and they haven’t wiped their tush in a long time,“ Jason Festerman told Fox 2. Apparently Festerman’s son, a student at Marine City Middle School in Marine City, Mich., brought in the foul-smelling product on Monday and sprayed it around as a joke. When Festerman got a phone call saying his son was suspended for the day, he told the station, he came to pick the boy up. The scene that ensued, however, landed the elder Festerman in hot water, too. Police — and the school — are saying the father sprayed Liquid Ass on campus, too. Festerman told Fox 2 he’s been charged with disorderly conduct. He claims that he wasn’t intentionally spraying it, but was just “checking” the canister “to see if anything was in it.” He also says, however, that spraying Liquid Ass is somewhat of a family pastime for the Festermans. ”We’ve gone to Kmart. We’ve had our kids with it and were spraying,” he said. “We’ve done it at like Dollar General. Everyone laughed.”  Festerman’s wife, Rekiba Festerman, admits that her son deserved to be suspended for his actions. Still, on what appears to be the Facebook profile of Jason Festerman’s wife, Rekiba, is a message to those that might not approve of the family antics: “To those in marine city that find us distasteful no ur not n my mouth but i am n urs mmmm relish it kinda taste like liquid ass.”

Do you think the Festerman’s might be the biggest white trash family on the planet earth? I could just see them all sitting around in a mobile home cooking meth spraying each other in the face with Liquid Ass. Watching old school ECW wrestling and popping oxy and shit. Just cashing welfare checks and making sure they’re stocked up on enough Liquid Ass to spray at fucking Caldors when they go shopping for bootleg clothing.

Anyway, as much as I hate the Festerman’s what happens between a father and son is family business. If he wants to blast his son in the face with Liquid Ass thats his choice. I’m not gonna go all Dr. Phil and critique his parenting technique. Spare the Liquid Ass, spoil the child