NY Post – Dan Marino is famous for his touchdowns — but the Hall of Famer’s scoring off the field is downright shocking. The ex-Miami Dolphin QB — who has long had an image as one of pro sports’ most squeaky-clean guys — knocked up Donna Savattere, a then-35-year-old production assistant at CBS Sports’ Manhattan studio. She gave birth to their daughter, Chloe, in June 2005. “They had an affair, and she had a baby,” said a source. “Everything was on the down-low and secretive.” Marino yesterday admitted to his dalliance. “This is a personal and private matter. I take full responsibility both personally and financially for my actions now as I did then,” he told The Post in a written statement. “We mutually agreed to keep our arrangement private to protect all parties involved.” At the time of the affair and Chloe’s birth, Marino was married to his wife of 20 years, Claire, with whom he had six kids, including four sons and two adopted daughters. The birth of baby Chloe came about two months before Marino’s Hall of Fame induction — at which his son Daniel made what danmarino.com called “a moving tribute to his father.” Marino insisted that his marriage is still intact, despite the affair. “My wife and I have been married for almost 30 years and have six children together,” he wrote yesterday — which happened to be his 28th wedding anniversary. “And we continue to be a strong and loving family.”

Laces out, Dan! What does that mean, you ask? I’m not exactly sure but it seems like it could be a euphemism for pulling out or wearing a condom or doing something to not knock a bitch up. From now on if you ever hear a story about someone getting a chick pregnant just be like “Welp, laces out, Dan!” and pretend like everyone knows what that means. I promise you whoever you’re talking to will just assume they should know the joke and know what it means and they’ll just go with it. Hey bro did you fuck that chick raw? “Nope. Laces out.” Holy shit you didn’t pull out?? “Its cool man, shes on the pill. Laces out!” Just go with it.

Anyway, I hate to act like some gossipy bitch on my cloud of judgment handing out life lessons to all the sinners, but it just goes to show that in all likelihood, every single professional athlete is kind of a scumbag who does whatever the fuck they want. I mean Dan Marino is about as wholesome of a guy there is. One of the last guys you’d imagine would pull an Arnold and pay some chick hush money because he dropped a seed. If Dan Marino is doing shit like that, then every other guy under the sun is doing shit thats 10 times worse. They’re probably all cheating and doing PEDs and anything else they ever want to do. Because plain and simple when you’re that rich and famous and you’re put on a pedestal and treated like a god, you do whatever you want whenever you want.

PS – Part of me hopes this woman raised this kid telling her that her father starred in the cinematic masterpiece Ace Ventura. Just left out all the talk about the Dolphins and being one of the greatest quarterbacks ever. “Daddy helped saved Snowflake in the comedy action blockbuster Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. He’s an American hero.”