Smoking Gun – Incensed about the “messed up” cheeseburgers they purchased at a McDonald’s drive-thru window, two Tennessee men allegedly returned to the fast food joint and vandalized it, cops report. The peeved patrons were apparently set off by the paucity of onions on their cheeseburgers. According to a Murfreesboro Police Department report, Christopher Slate, 21, and Sean Mosey, 23 were collared in connection with Sunday’s early-morning attack on the McDonald’s. Each man was charged with felony reckless endangerment and vandalism. Slate (left) and Mosey are pictured in the above mug shots. In an interview with cops, Slate said that the duo was “upset with McDonald’s because their cheeseburgers had been messed up.” He then “advised that they went home and continued to drink beer and get worked up about the cheeseburgers.” The men, Slate confessed, returned to McDonald’s and hurled a piece of concrete through the drive-thru window and tossed a brick through the eatery’s front window. An employee standing near the drive-thru window was struck by debris and suffered several lacerations on his left arm. The restaurant’s manager was struck in the leg by the concrete chunk.

When I was a kid I did hated McDonalds onions. Or at least I thought I did. I think it was one of those pain in the ass situations where I never even tried them but I said I hated them. So I can sympathize with these bros. There’s nothing worse than ordering no onions at McDonalds and them fucking up your order. Its like like a pickle or a tomato that you can just open up the bun and pick off. Those little diced up onions are all mixed up in the ketchup. They’re basically embedded into the fabric of the burger. Like some sort of onion flavored ketchup sauce mixed up and spread all over your half-ounce burger. And you take a french fry and you try to scrape the onions off but its pointless. There’s no getting rid of onions on your #2 from McDonalds.

So what is there left to do? Choke down the burgers with onion flavored ketchup, drink beer, get worked up about the onions, and go back to McDonalds and put a cinder block through the window. I can’t tell you how many times I had that same plot brewing in my head but I was only 9 years old so I didn’t have the capability to pull it off. Like I said, maybe they mess up your order and put lettuce and tomato on there, you can let it slide. But onions on you McDs burger is the biggest screw up a fast food worker can make, aside from Wendy’s forgetting your barbecue sauce with your 5 piece nuggets.

PS – Your name is “Slate.” You can just go ahead and book 1 of these events every 5 years.