MAY 15--Two parent chaperones at a Colorado high school prom sprayed Lysol on students engaged in “dirty dancing” and called several teenage girls “sluts and whores” for making it appear “they were advertising butt sex,” according to cops. Officer Scott Stone, who was working a security detail at the prom, told investigators that he had spoken with Farmer and Rockey after arriving at the dance around 8 PM. He recalled that the chaperones–who were dressed in combat boots, military fatigues, and military undershirt–noted that “some of the kids were becoming disruptive and were being explicit while dancing.” As detailed by police, several teenagers told officers that the chaperones subsequently deployed the Lysol, which got into the eyes and mouths of some dancers (some of whom had to leave the prom). A female student reported the spraying to police, saying that Farmer and Rockey said that some dancers “were advertising butt sex.” The chaperones, the girl told cops, referred to her and her friends as “sluts and whores” and “dirty.”

I’ve been on the record as stating that you have a better chance of stopping the sun from coming up in the morning then you do of stopping high school kids from grinding. But thats usually because teachers and principals take tactics like spreading the kids out or playing swing dance music. No chance any of that shit works.

But a couple of moms in combat boots, military fatigues and military undershirts spraying Lysol in my mouth and my eyeballs? Welp, that might just do the trick. I might have to eat my words here and say that you can, in fact, stop kids from grinding if this is the approach you take. And you know what? I’m not even mad at them. If you’re a prom chaperone and your job is to prevent freak dancing then you gotta do what you gotta do. Aerosol on the tongue. CFCs all up in your retinas. Some people may think thats extreme, but the reality of the matter is, these two moms are the only adults out there who understand kids grinding. A) They are 100% right about the advertising of butt sex. When I am grinding with a girl I am definitely thinking about having sex in her butt. When I see others grinding, I am definitely thinking about them have sex in her butt. Its basically one giant billboard for butt sex. And B) They understand that the only way to stop the “sluts and whores” and the butt sex advertisements is to physically maim these kids. I can’t knock these women for doing the job they were told to do.

So I’m sure these two will get in all sorts of legal trouble, but bottom line is schools can’t have it both ways. You can’t want to stop grinding and butt sex advertising but then get mad when it takes a little Lysol down the throat to do it. One or the other.