At this point in my life I think its safe to say God hates me, right? Sometimes I truly genuinely believe that. Over the course of human history, roughly 100 billion people have lived on earth. I think God has singled me out as his bitch and is just fucking with my life.
All I want in this world is for the Mets and Jets to win. Thats it. I don’t want money. I don’t want fame. I don’t need women. I just want to see a World Series and a Super Bowl. And I think God knows all of that and is toying with me. Because everything else in my life is great. I have an unbelievable job that allows me to sit in my underwear and shoot the shit about sports and chicks with the rest of the world. I completely out kicked my coverage and have a gorgeous girlfriend. Great family, friends. Its like he’s gone ahead and blessed me with everything else and purposely fucks me where it hurts the most. Maybe its karma. Maybe he’s making up for all the fucked up stuff I say on the internet. Making fun of blindos and Asians and Jews. After all, he was a Jew. I don’t know the reason. All I do know is that this life of misery that I lead cannot be coincidental. It can’t just be chance that everything always goes wrong for the Mets and Jets. That motherfucker God is doing this on purpose.
I know it sounds egotistical. I know there are other Mets and Jets fans out there that feel like I do. But I’m convinced its actually me. Its my fault. These two teams will never win as long as I am alive on this planet earth. The sooner I die, the better for both those franchises.