NEWSER) – Didn’t exercise this week? You’re not just lazy, you have a medical condition, argues one physiologist in the Journal of Physiology. Michael Joyner thinks it’s time doctors made a serious push against “deconditioning,” he tells NPR’s Shots blog. The sedentary lives many of us lead are a relatively new phenomenon, and one that takes a toll on public health, says Joyner. The “entire medical research industrial complex” is focused, profitably, on treating the ill effects, but doctors and insurers are not doing enough to get people off the couch in the first place. Doctors are happy to write prescriptions for pills to treat, say, heart disease, so why not prescriptions for exercise, too? Joyner points to what he sees as two triumphs in public health last century: better traffic safety, including seat belts and drunk-driving laws, and the decline in smoking rates. Both were the result of the medical community influencing public opinion. He thinks the same can happen with exercise. Doctors can push, and communities can make it easier with such things as bike lanes and parks.

Guys its ok. I’m sick. I’ve got a disease. Thats why I’m a lazy piece of shit. You think I can help it? You think I wanna go months on end without ever breaking a sweat aside from the times I masturbate too hard? You think I wanna be as soft as a marshmallow? For sure not.

I’ve got an illness. And its terminal. Stage 4 laziness. So fuck these doctors trying to write me a prescription for a goddam bike lane. A doctors order for a new park ain’t gonna save me. The laziness has spread from my brain to my lungs and into my heart. Just give me a few refills of pain killers and sleeping pills and let me die in lazy peace.