Sun – A SEX-swap dad told yesterday how he boobed by becoming a woman 23 years ago — and begged the NHS to give him his tackle back. RAF veteran Gary Norton — now 75 — moaned: “I now realise inside I’m a red-blooded man and always have been. I want a physical relationship with a woman but I’ve got no equipment — it all went in the op. It’s one heck of a mistake to make.” The father of four, who changed his name to Gillian after his wife and kids disowned him, tried dating fellas but said he never fancied them. He has now quit taking the female hormones that stopped his beard growing — and is on a waiting list to have the breasts the drugs gave him removed. Gary, of Coventry, is pleading with local health chiefs to go the whole hog and fund a full gender reversal op. They have refused. He insisted: “I feel trapped. I did my best to embrace it and be a woman. “I bought bikinis and nice dresses, spent time on my hair and make-up and always had lovely manicured nails. “But the operation essentially left me a lesbian.” Despite joining a ladies’ yoga class and even modelling bikinis in a fashion show, he said: “My life’s a nightmare.”

I kinda know how this guy/girl feels. This weekend I went out to brunch and after a lot of deliberation I ordered the western omelet. My buddy ordered the eggs benedict and when the food came I was like fuuuucckkkk, I wish I ordered the eggs benedict. Shit looked so good. But there I was stuck with my western omelet and I couldn’t do a damn thing about it. I mean I guess it was a little different than having a sex change 23 years ago and having your family disown you and then realizing when you’re 75 that you want your dick back and having to plead with local health chiefs for a full gender reversal operation, but still. The moral of the story is the same.

There’s a great little gem here though: “I did my best to embrace it and be a woman. I bought bikinis and nice dresses, spent time on my hair and make-up and always had lovely manicured nails.” Yup, nailed it. Gillian/Gary just wrapped up chicks in a nutshell. Nothing but shopping and looking in the mirror and being indecisive. Once the cock came off and the vagina went on it was just frivolous spending, worrying about what to wear and complaining about shit.

If anything, this story just proves that no matter what, bitches always want a dick between their legs.