Mug

TSGA domestic dispute that began with an argument over a used tampon discarded on the floor ended last night with the arrest of a Florida woman for allegedly battering her husband. As detailed in a probable cause affidavit, the husband of Cortteza Liandra Sellers, 32, asked her to speak with her 17-year-old daughter about the discarded tampon. “While discussing the unsanitary nature of leaving used tampons on the floor, the argument became heated,” reported a Manatee County Sheriff’s Office deputy. As the dispute transitioned into a “shoving match,” Sellers allegedly scratched her spouse on the side of his face, drawing blood. Though Sellers’s husband did not want her arrested, investigators determined that she was the “primary aggressor” during the confrontation. As a result, she was busted on a battery count and booked into the county jail, where bail has yet to be set. Sellers is scheduled for a September 24 court appearance on the misdemeanor charge.

So this is marriage, huh? This is what I have to look forward to? Tampons on the floor and domestic abuse? First the sex stops. Then you start farting and shitting in front of each other. And then before you know it there’s period plugs on the bathroom floor. The running joke is always “One vagina for the rest of your life…good choice.” That shit doesn’t even tell the half of it. It’s really “zero vaginas for the rest of your life” because A) You’re probably never having sex and B) even if the opportunity arises, you’ll forever envision that bloody Tampax on the bathroom floor and you’ll throw up in your mouth a bit and then you dick will shrivel up inside you. Doesn’t matter whether it was the wife or the daughter. Probably worse if its the daughter. Raising some 17 year old chick thats not yours leaving her rag on your bathroom floor? And then you’re wife claws your face up? Its a miracle this altercation didn’t end with a double funeral and Cortteza Liandra Sellers’ husband going to jail for life. Because of the vows don’t include some sort of out-clause involving bloody tampons, you just have to speed up the whole “death do us part”