PA – Vanessa Robinson was charged with aggravated assult after she allegedly cut boyfriend James Gallone multiple times after he tried leaving her apartment with the last beer — a Colt 45 to be specific, according to WPXI-TV. The alcohol-oriented altercation started brewing last Thursday in Hempfield Township, Penn., when Gallone — who reportedly had purchased the beer — decided to leave, according to Trooper Steve Limani, of Pennsylvania State Police. “The person who purchased the alcohol says, ‘I’m leaving;’ goes to grab the beer that he had purchased. The female was arguing with him that, ‘you’re not taking the beer,’” Limani told KDKA-TV. “It ended up becoming a physical altercation.” The fight started with kicking, pushing and beer being poured onto the floor, and then Robinson allegedly grabbed a knife. “She cut him in the arm, neck, back and stomach areas prior to him being able to disarm her. He had to receive several stitches,” Limani said, according to WTSP-TV.

 

Ah the last beer in the apartment. Maybe the most coveted item in all the land. A commodity so precious that motherfuckers pull out knives and slice dudes up to claim it as their own. Can any of us really say that we’ve never thought about resorting to violence for the last drop of alcohol in the house? I know I have. It’s late, you just got back from the bar, you’re probably watching Team America or something of the like on Comedy Central, and you just need it. You need that one last alcoholic beverage to pass out with in your hand and spill all over your dick at some undetermined point in the morning. Otherwise, you’d have to sit there slowly sobering up thinking about all the money you spent and girls you struck out with at the bar. And that’s never fun.

But the interesting twist in this story is that the boyfriend bought the beer, so technically it’s his. It’s such a grey area when you bring booze to someone else’s place. I feel like you hit a certain age and society says that you’re supposed to leave what you brought to a party. It sucks. Like I paid for it, why is everyone looking at me funny while I stuff my pockets with the last few Budweisers from the fridge? Well there are plenty of societal norms that I just don’t agree with, and leaving your beers at someone else’s place is one of them. Thems beers yours son. Sure you may have to deal with the ire of the homeowner, but if the last Colt 45 isn’t worth risking your life and reputation for, then what is?

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