ManateeA man hoping to make a good impression with his date was charged with petit theft for allegedly stealing beer, wine and steaks from Walmart, according to the Manatee County Sheriff’s Office. About 5 p.m. Monday, James Flenniken, 48, was observed by a loss prevention officer taking the items worth $79.30 at Walmart, 8498 Lockwood Ridge Road. Without being questioned, Flenniken said he took the items in order to “impress a lady,” according to the sheriff’s office. Flenniken, charged with petit theft-shoplifting, is being held without bond at the Manatee County jail.

Holding the door open. Flowers. Cooking. Romance. All that bullshit? Broads don’t want it anymore. All that “Mr. Nice Guy” stuff is just a waste of time now. Chicks no longer give a flying fuck about a candlelit home-cooked porterhouse dinner and a fine wine. It’s 2013. Broads are animals and want to be treated as such. They’re less into a man who knows his way around the kitchen and more into re-enacting 50 Shades Of Grey & banging dudes for money. Like the prominent ladies’ man Dice says, if you don’t jizz all over a chick on your first date, they think you don’t like them. You want to impress a lady you’ve got coming over for dinner? You already got all the meat you need in your pants. Meet her at the door with handcuffs and a safe word. And when she says she’s hungry after your BDSM sesh is done, tell her to make two sandwiches. That’s the kinda shit they’re into now. I just hope James Flenniken reads this before he makes the same mistake again.