082310_hero_wanted_hemenway

DETROIT LAKE, Ore. – He saved a life; now he could end up in jail. It’s a strange twist of fate for the 33-year-old Portland man who helped rescue a teenager who nearly drowned at Detroit Lake. Deputies never would have known about the warrant out for this hero’s arrest if it weren’t for his grandmother, who accidentally blew his cover trying to get her grandson the recognition he deserved. Two Saturdays ago a 15-year-old boy slipped under the water while trying to swim across Detroit Lake. Erik Hemenway jumped in the water and found the teen about six feet below the surface. He was able to pull the unconscious boy out, getting him to shore where rescue crews then stabilized him. However, when his 81-year-old grandma in California read about the rescue in the paper she saw it cited “Craig Hemengway” for the heroism. So she fired off an e-mail to the newspaper saying the hero was her grandson – demanding a correction because they had the name wrong. The newspaper then forwarded the e-mail to the Marion County Sheriff’s Office. When Don Thomson with the Marion County Sheriff’s Office did some checking he discovered Erik had a warrant out for his arrest. His legal troubles stem from drunk driving in 2005, where he left the scene.

Few of my life maxims going on here.  1) Never, ever help any else except yourself and 2) Throw sweet old Nana in the nursing home the instant she hits 65.   Like if you made a little Kmarko Quotable and sold it at Borders these would be on the first page.   Seriously if I’ve said it once I’ve said it a thousand times nothing but trouble comes from helping people.  Try and break up a fight get punched in the nose.  Try and save a kid from drowning get busted on a 5 year old warrant.    And what’s the point of Grandma after 65?  Anyone?  The stories all get old.  The smell gets worse.   The birthday checks dry up.    If anything she’s a hazard to society case in point this old bag getting her hero grandson thrown in prison.   See these are the things that would get fixed if I ruled the world.  No one would feel guilty about tossing Nana in the old folks home if it was mandatory right?