DECEMBER 13– The bizarre incident at a Hardee’s in Bartonville, Illinois resulted in a disorderly conduct charge being leveled against Christopher Thompson, 26, according to police reports that carry a brief case summary: “Male threw dead animal through drive thru window.” A Bartonville Police Department investigation determined that the deceased squirrel had been placed on the dash of Thompson’s vehicle “as a prank” by a friend. Instead of disposing of the animal, Thompson, pictured at right, left the dead squirrel inside the vehicle when he went to Hardee’s where the “2/3 lb. Monster Thickburger” will thicken your arteries. Thompson told cops that when he pulled up to the drive-thru window for his grub, “he began to pet the squirrel and make it talk to the female employees of Hardee’s as a ‘joke.’” Hardee’s worker Deborah Roberts, who waited on Thompson, said that after Thompson placed his order, “he asked for extra nuts for his squirrel as he pet it.” After telling Thompson that she did not believe the animal was real, Roberts turned away from the window. That’s when the motorist said, “Yes, it is,” and “threw the dead squirrel into the restaurant.”

Hey I got a hot tip for anyone on the Drive Thru window staff of any fast foot establishment.   Take off your headsets and your puffy bakers hats and lean in close.  If a dude pulls up to the Hardees and asks for a 2/3 pound Monster Thickburger with extra nuts on the side while petting a pet squirrel sitting on the passenger seat, just calmy slide that motherfucker shut and go hide out with the fry cook for a little bit.  In fact I’m pretty sure we can just extend this situation out further and say that if anyone drives up to the fucking Hardees’ drive-thru window in the first place there is a 99% chance they are certified looney tunes so just cut your losses and hang up the apron.  I’ll take unemployment over a dead rodent corpse to the face every day of the week.   I mean who the fuck eats Hardees besides psychos?  Was there not a McDonalds within a 100 mile radius or something?   Seriously people eating Thanksgiving dinner at Wendy’s thumb their noses at Hardees.