FloridaA sexual threesome turned violent Sunday, resulting in an East Naples man’s arrest — accused of punching his wife, swinging a big-screen television at her and whipping her with a belt. Jorge Daniel Silva, 22, of the 6400 block of College Park Circle, faces a felony battery charge after Collier deputies say he became enraged before a planned threesome with his wife and another woman Sunday afternoon. Silva’s wife told deputies that the three of them began kissing when Silva “freaked out” and started hitting her. The two women then ran into a bedroom and locked themselves inside, but Silva broke through the door, the report said. As his wife curled up to avoid being hit, Silva punched her and “swung the TV at her like a bat,” the report said. After hitting his wife with the television twice, Silva dropped it on her, then grabbed another television and threw it at her, deputies said. The second woman told deputies she tried to break up the fight but Silva would punch her in response. Silva’s wife was covered with blood when deputies arrived, her face was swollen and she appeared to have a broken nose, the report said. Silva told deputies two stories — that his wife attacked him after she kissed the other woman, and that he became jealous when the two women started kissing and wouldn’t allow him to join. He also told deputies he broke down the door because he thought the two women were having sex without him.

See. This is why I’m on the record as saying threesomes just aren’t a good idea. I’ve written like 3 or 4 blogs on this in the past and every time people are like “KFC you fag!” “KFC must have the gay!” Nah bro. I’m not gay. I’m just realistic. Listen I’d love to be an orgy guy. Just a big dick swinging threesome participant hanging low like a boss. I’d also like to be a pimp from Oakland or a cowboy from Arizona but it’s not Halloween. Grow up Peter Pan, Count Chocula.

Bottom line is threesomes in real life either never happen or go horribly wrong. At the very least you can never look at your significant other the same way ever again after watching them fuck someone right in front of your face. Seeing a dick in their mouth or a pussy on their face and you’re just never gonna be the same. At the worst, you end up massacring your entire family in a quadruple homicide. And somewhere in between there is beating your girl with a belt and throwing a television at her.

Jorge Silva probably thought he as gonna get one of those threesomes where 2 chicks blow you at the same time. One of the threesomes where they both sit there bent over and you alternate dipping your dick in and out of each of them. Or one of those ones where one chick takes turns having sex with you while the other one blows you. Just a mashup of mouths and pussies and other holes that fulfills all your wildest dreams. All that shit is not real life, man. Thats in the movies. You get some bi-curious chick in the sack with a really hot chick and she’s gonna forget you’re even in the fucking room. Your pale, fat, hairy ass will be on the outskirts while the new and exciting hot chick goes to town on your lady. Thats how you end up in jail for making your wife wear a television for a helmet. All because you wanted to be Peter North and got too jealous when it all went down.