Weekly Vice - Andrew Mendoza, a 29-year-old Wharton County man was jailed after he allegedly had sex with a horse, then told investigators that he was attempting to get the animal pregnant. According to the Wharton County Sheriff’s Office, Mendoza admitted to having sex with a horse, explaining that he decided on the encounter after his girlfriend stood him up. During a police interview, Mendoza stated that he was waiting to hear from his girlfriend when he decided to have sex with a horse if the woman failed to call him. Mendoza went ahead and put his plan into action when the woman never called. Mendoza also told investigators that he planned to get the horse pregnant, hoping the encounter would produce a “horseman baby.” He then went into details about the encounter, explaining “I ain’t going to lie, I blew a nut in the horse. I then got off the bucket and put my clothes back on and left. I promise that I have not been back over to the horse since that time.” Mendoza was booked into the Wharton County Jail and charged with public lewdness and criminal trespass. He was sentenced to four months in prison.

You know what Andrew Mendoza is? Hes a deranged horse fucker, thats what. But you know what else he is? He’s a straight shooter. He told police his plan. He told police if his girlfriend didn’t call he was gonna fuck that horse. She didn’t call so guess what he did? He fucked that horse. Because thats what straight shooters do. They stick to their word. He told police he blew a nut inside. He told police his goal was to create a horseman baby. He even went as far to explain that he needed to stand on top of a bucket to fuck this horse.

And why am I gushing about the honesty and integrity of this horse fucker? Because he would never, ever stand someone up. If Andrew Mendoza says he’s gonna do something, he’ll do it. Because he’s not a social savage. Aside from the fucking of the horses. He was raised to live by his word. Unlike his whore of a girlfriend. I mean I’ve been dumped, blown off, lied too, whatever. But never flat out “Lets go out for a date tonight meet me at the restaurant at 8pm” and then fucking nothing. Thats the most deplorable behavior I can even imagine, and thats coming from a man who just read about a man fucking a Clydesdale with the hopes of creating a horseman baby. Thats how fucked up I think it is to stand someone up. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t go bust a night inside a horse but I can promise you I’d hit the bar looking to fuck some pigs. Because nothing would crush my confidence worse than being stood up. I’d do damn near anything to ease that pain.