Huff PoWhat does a guy have to do to get some anonymous sex these days? Last week, Ramsey, Minn. police say, Alan Petrusson tied himself to a tree, put a blindfold on, exposed his genitals and waited for anonymous sex near a public park, according to CBS Minnesota. “It’s the weirdest thing I’ve heard of out there,” Ramsey Police Chief James Way told The Huffington Post. “We have had reports of sexual activity out there though.” Way also said he’s skeptical of Petrusson’s assertion that he was just sleeping. “I don’t believe that,” he said. “That’s up to a judge and/or jury to determine, if it gets that far.” Way said Petrusson faces charges of indecent exposure, lewd conduct and trespassing, since the tree he was allegedly tied to was not on park property.

Just throw on a blindfold and tie your arms and legs to a tree spread eagle and wait for someone to come along and fuck you. If it were only that easy for the rest of us, Alan. If it were only that easy. Normal people who have normal sex have gotta work for that shit. Girls have gotta get all dolled up and guys have gotta take them out and spend tons of money. Spend multiple dates wooing them. Be funny and charming and confident and act like you have a good job and a good future and all that other shit. Its goddam exhausting. Convincing other people to have sex with you is probably the hardest thing normal guys do in their whole lives.

But here’s Alan Petrusson and his legion of Craigslist predators and perverts and rapists. Just hop on the internet and arrange a meeting at the Dayton Roadside Park. Pull your dick out and tie yourself to a tree and wait for someone to show up and bang. What a fuckin lifestyle. I mean sure, I could go on Craigslist right now and arrange for sex with some chick, but I’d be afraid that there was like a 50% chance the person that shows up would just be a dude and be a murderer. But if you’re Alan Petrusson and you yourself are actually a pervert murderer, who cares? You see what I’m saying? The only problem with Craigslist is the scary people aspect but if you’re in that crew its just plain awesome. A lot smarter of a way to get your rocks off then spending zillions of dollars on dates and lying about who you really are.

PS – “I was just sleeping” has gotta be the greatest lie a dude naked blindfolded and tied to a tree spread eagle has ever tried to use.