TCPalmA soused Stuart man was jailed after deputies say he was engaged in an “obscene argument” with his bicycle, a recently released arrest affidavit states. Martin County Sheriff’s deputies spied Richard Bialon, 68, around 4 a.m. Tuesday “yelling at his bicycle” in the parking lot of a Mobil gas station in the 3900 block of South Kanner Highway. “Customers were coming to the Mobil and were very disturbed as to the yelling and obscene argument the defendant was having with his bicycle,” the affidavit states. The affidavit didn’t specify what the argument was about or whether Bialon had accused the pedal-powered vehicle of wrongdoing. Bialon, of the 5500 block of South Kanner Highway, had been imbibing all day and was described as “very intoxicated.” He was arrested on a misdemeanor disorderly intoxication charge and taken to jail.

Fuckin bikes these days. No goddam respect. Back in my day bikes knew their role. You think I would have tolerated any disrespect from my Royce Union back in the day? I mean, fuck you Royce Union! Maybe if you were a Mongoose GT or a Haro you could talk shit but you’re just a fuckin Royce Union. Didn’t even have a gyro or front pegs.

No, see my Royce Union knew to keep its fucking mouth shut or I’d let the black kids from Mount Vernon steal it. And nobody wants to live in Money Earnin’ Mt. Vernon. Not even a fucking bicycle.