Chicago TribunePolice say a 14-year-old Prospect Heights boy thought the young woman he met online was a prostitute. But she turned out to be a thief who took his iPad and piggy bank, authorities say. Bond for Dareka R. Brooks, 22, of the 1100 block of North 17th Street in Milwaukee, was set at $10,000 today in Cook County Circuit Court on a charge of armed robbery. Authorities say the boy arranged online to meet and pay her for sex. The teen was home alone on Wednesday when he arranged a sexual encounter with Brooks through a website, according to Assistant State’s Attorney Katherine Levine. Brooks arrived at his home and told him to go into a bedroom and remove his pants, Levine said. The youth was sitting on the bed when Brooks sprayed a pepper substance in his face, grabbed his iPad and a piggy bank and fled, Levine said. The teen noted the description of Brooks’ car and called police. Officers traced her to an Elk Grove Village motel after she turned on the iPad, Levine said. Police also recovered the piggy bank, she said.

OK, kid, I’m gonna assume pops isn’t in the picture and give you some of my own words of advice. First, you’re 14 bro. Lose the piggy bank, or at least hide it when you have chicks coming over to fuck. Second, don’t let this cunt taint your perspective on hookers. They’re not bad people. If I’m your dad, I’m actually really proud of you. Finger-popping sluts your own age is for suckers. Taking it upon yourself to learn how to lay the pipe the right way with a prostitute shows initiative. With that drive & determination, you’re gonna blow the mind of the first teacher who squats on your dick.

The problem is, Dareka isn’t a “whore” in the professional sense – but you couldn’t have known that. She’s just a regular whore. Like your mother. Two life lessons collided into one clusterfuck and I just want to make sure you understand the difference. See, whores like your mother are your everyday broads. Evil bitches who you date or even marry & end up leaving you with your pants down while they run off with everything you got in your piggy bank. Those are the ones to fear. But real whores? They’re a thing of beauty. Yeah, it sucks to get blown with a rubber on but these are classy, honorable women who will make sure that reservoir tip is full before they take a dime from you. They understand what being a lady is all about. So don’t let this deter you, kiddo. I’m confident your next online hooker will be everything you thought this twat Dareka would be, and more.