Huff Po – A suspect named Fellony was arrested and charged with felony battery on Sunday after a wild bar attack left a woman with cuts and bruises. Fellony Silas, 30, allegedly smashed a glass on a woman’s forehead inside an Indiana bar, the Smoking Gun reported. The 24-year-old victim told cops that she had bumped into Silas while the two were dancing, the Indiana Daily Student reported. The two started arguing, and that’s when the alleged felonious attack began. The whole thing wreaked of Fellony, cops said. Silas was collared and taken to jail, while the bloodied victim went to the hospital.

This bitch just didn’t even stand a chance, huh? You know that part of Outliers where Malcom Gladwell basically says black people with absurd names needed to change them if they wanted to be successful? I’m pretty sure he was talking about people like Fellony Silas. Like just because your name is Fellony doesn’t mean you’re gonna get charged with one, but lets just say the deck is stacked against you.

This is why if I have a son I’m naming him Cocksmen and if I daughter I’m naming her Prude. You can’t create their future but you can push them in the right direction. Plus Cocksmen Clancy is a fire name.