Daily Mail - A British man is lucky to be alive after jumping off a 60ft-high wooden platform into just 5ft of water in a bid to impress some girls. The wooden platform had been erected to allow local fishermen to spot tuna fish at Kraljeva in Croatia – but was no longer in use. Vedran Bilic, a local man who witnessed the dive, said: ‘He said his name was David Wilson and he was from London, and he boasted to some girls that he could easily dive from the platform. When they laughed at him he climbed up the pole and really did dive.’ The Briton jumped off the tower and plunged clumsily into the water, hitting the surface with a sickening slap. Mr Bilic said: ‘I thought he would be crippled but he swam to the shore and ran off. ‘It must have hurt because he hit the water with a terrific whack as he wasn’t exactly a good diver.’ Indeed, it is his lack of diving skills that probably saved his life. A coastguard spokesman said he would have suffered serious if not fatal injuries had he entered the water head-first. Mr Bilic agreed, adding: ‘It was apparently the mother of all belly flops – it must have really hurt his private parts – but on the other hand if he had hit the water cleanly he would have cracked his head on the bottom and would not have survived. ’Instead it was just his pride that was injured.’

Couldn’t one of these bitches he was trying to impress just throw him a bone? Like when he got half way up that ladder and there was a 50/50 shot you were about 45 seconds away from someone jump to their death, don’t you think you could have been like “Alright Dave Jesus Christ get down off that ladder. I’ll give you a hand job.” You know the only reason he’s thinking about doing it is because he wants to fuck one of you. You could avoid all this Fear Factor bullshit if you just put out. And really its just a metaphor for the bigger picture. You want to get rid of the macho bonehead dudes all hopped up on testosterone doing all the wrong things to try and win you over? Then fucking put out. Give us the ass before we’re standing atop a 60 foot platform ready to plummet to our death. We’re dumb and clueless. Point us in the right direction at least.

You David Wilson got about 30 feet up that ladder and was like, welp, I’ve gone too far to go back now. Like the whole time he expected one of these chicks to cave and bang him before he had to do this ridiculous stunt, but they never blinked. Almost like George driving Susan’s parents out to his fake summer house. “All right! We’re taking it up a notch!”