Huff Po – A young British man was reported missing New Year’s Day, but he got lucky. It turns out Dale Rowlinson-Bates, 20, was simply shacking up with a newfound lady friend when he failed to contact his friends and family for a couple days, the Telegraph reported. Rowlinson-Bates phoned his mother, 44-year-old Julie Rowlinson-Bates, at about 8:30 p.m. New Year’s Eve, she told police. According to the Birmingham Mail, he also told his mother that his phone battery was about to run out. His mother became “frantic” when she hadn’t heard from him on New Year’s Day. She checked in with his friends, who said they had last seen him at around 5:30 a.m. after a night of partying at the Q Club in Birmingham, U.K. After not hearing from her son for 24 hours, the worried mother then contacted police and made a Facebook page dedicated to finding her son. Rowlinson-Bates contacted his older brother at around 4 p.m. on January 2, and the 50-officer manhunt was called off. ”He had been staying in Birmingham with a girl,” Julie Rowlinson-Bates said of her son, adding that, “He obviously spent a day or so with the girl and then came home.” She noted that her son’s lack of communication was “totally out of character.

How infrequently do you need to get laid for everyone in your life to think you were fucking abducted when it turned out you were just banging some chick? How big of a square can you possibly be that if your mom doesn’t see you for 24 hours she calls the cops and starts a social media campaign to find her kidnapped son? When I was 20 years old my mom was lucky if she heard from me every 6 weeks. Sorry mom I was on a despicable bender and never once considered calling you! And I’m not even saying I was busy banging all these chicks like Dale Bates was. I was either blacked out having sex with a 5 or 6, or eating pizza watching porn before bed. But either way my mom wasn’t putting out a goddam Amber Alert if she didn’t hear from me.

So you gotta be thinking this is a seriously happy new year for Dale Rowlinson-Bates. Seems like he’s usually at home with mom knitting watching episodes of Diagnosis Murder or Early Edition and for the first 48 hours of 2013 he was plowing some floozie. Locked in a room not worrying about calling his mom because he’s focusing all his efforts on getting his dick up for a 4th romp in a 24 hour period.