EDMONTON—A University of Alberta student has discovered through science that a current fashion trend is safe, but can be a little stinky. Josh Le donned the same pair of skin-tight jeans for 15 months without washing them. The idea was to break in the raw denim so the fabric would hug the contours of his body, leaving distinct wear lines and creases. Curious about the health risks of wearing such a grubby garment, Le asked his textile professor Rachel McQueen to test the jeans for bacteria before he washed them for the first time. The results showed high counts of five different kinds of bacteria in the denim, but nothing that posed a health hazard. “I was blown away. I thought there would be a lot more bacteria than was present,” Le said Wednesday. “It sort of shows that it is okay to not wash jeans.” “There were times when it had a bad odour, like in the seventh month,” Le said. “That’s when I threw it in the freezer and magically when it came out it was odourless.” McQueen said what was most surprising was a second test she did on the jeans after they were washed and Le wore them again for another 13 days. The results were about the same. “I didn’t see any evidence of dangerous bacteria, but that could be very unique to Josh. I mean, he wore underwear, which can be helpful,” she said.

Well stop the fucking presses, Canada! You don’t need to wash jeans! I didn’t need human ecology professors and fucking petri dishes to tell me that. Next up we’ll probably hire some physicist to tell us that we don’t need to iron jeans either.

I’m not even joking when I say I’ve got this Canadian Asian (a Can-Asian, if you will) beat. I’m pretty sure I’ve got him beat bad. Its probably been like 3 years since I’ve washed a pair of my jeans. Actually, let me rephrase that. Since I’ve washed my only pair of jeans. I’ve mentioned before how I had a 2 man rotation going, but a few months back I ripped a whole in the crotch of one pair and they needed to be retired. Ever since then, my one pair has been riding solo. I mean I’m not gonna condone this guy’s whole reasoning of wearing them 200 times in 15 months so that his Levi’s will “hug the contours of his body.” And I certainly don’t know what the fuck that whole throwing them in the freezer thing is all about. But I’ll tell you that KFC and just about 9 out of every 10 dudes out there don’t wash their jeans. Matter of fact there’s nothing worse in my opinion that a freshly washed pair of jeans. Like trying to put your legs through cardboard boxes and it feels like you’ve got casts around your legs.

No thanks. I’ll stick to making sure I never do anything strenuous enough to make me sweat while wearing jeans and Febreze.

PS – Hey Professor McQueen – “Josh wore underwear, which is helpful?” No fucking kidding. The only guys who don’t wear underwear with jeans are dudes in porn.