NY Post - A 31-year-old Bronx man fell to his death yesterday while defecating between subway cars on a moving 6 train, cops said. The man fell onto the tracks and was run over by a northbound train as it was leaving the 125th Street station shortly after 4 p.m., police said. Around the same time on the opposite platform, a bloody and extremely battered man crawled up from the tracks — just as a northbound 5 train was pulling in — with a broken pelvis, severe buttocks injuries and cuts. That man — who sources said was Manuce Dulcio, 50 — might have been hit by the train, cops said. It’s unclear why he was on the tracks. Dulcio was “very intoxicated,” a police source said. Officials had initially said that the men had been involved in a fight. But they now believe the bizarre incidents were totally unrelated. Riders were stuck on the 5 train for 45 minutes after the incident.

Some people are gonna chalk this up to Social Darwinism. “If you die shitting in between the subway cars, you’re just strengthening the gene pool!” Fuck that. When you gotta shit, you gotta shit. And only a Barbarian would rather just shit his pants in front of straphangers at 4pm on a Tuesday. Its just the proper, polite way to handle the situation. Either that or he’s just a disgusting homeless vagrant who’s well versed in shitting in between the cars, either way, you gotta understand taking a shit mid-car is the right play.

Now I’m not saying its not incredibly dangerous. I don’t even like shitting in stationary bathrooms if the conditions aren’t great. Imagine trying to pinch a loaf going 30 MPH while brakes screech and cars sway and turn while you squat with practically nothing to hang on too? Thats just about the most dangerous thing I can imagine. You’re at your most vulnerable when you’re shitting. Trying to overcome those type of obstacles is damn near impossible. But like I said, whats the alternative? Just stand there in front of your fellow commuters, knees bent, face red, pooping your pants? Just filling up your pants with a load right in front of everyone? Fuck that man. Dumping right in front of people like that isn’t the way humans are supposed to live. I’d rather be dead that be that guy.

As far as the drunk dude rolling around on the tracks getting his butt and pelvis torn up – I don’t know man. I just don’t know anymore. Its like the whole world has forgotten how to ride the subway without dying. Theres been like 5 deaths or accidents in like a month. People pushing, shoving, falling, shitting. Christ almighty clean it up, folks. Keep your hands to yourself, your shit to yourself, stay away from the yellow line and stand clear of the closing doors.