MixALot

AthensAn Athens man’s affinity for women with large buttocks got him in trouble early Monday morning. He said he was stabbed in the back by a man who was angry that he was flirting with a woman. The victim told police he was attracted to the woman because of her large rear end. The 48-year-old victim first told officers that he had been on “The Block,” the area in east Athens near the Triangle Plaza shopping center, when he was attacked by four men, one of whom had a knife. He later admitted he made up the story and said the assault actually happened outside a gas station on Commerce Road. The man stopped at the gas station after he spotted a woman with a large posterior and “wanted to holler at her,” an officer wrote in an incident report. A man came out of the store while the victim was speaking with the woman. After the men exchanged words, the suspect slapped the victim in the face. The victim told police he retaliated by knocking the other man down with a punch to the face. The man then stabbed him as he walked to his truck. “(The victim) said that he was dishonest with us because he did not want his wife to know where he was,” according to the report.

Have asses officially taken over yet? I don’t remember the last time I saw a story about some chick’s big tits starting a fight, but butts just set dudes off nowadays. Nobody hollers at huge cans anymore. No one gets stabbed over ‘em. But you’re yanking the e-brake Tokyo Drift-style every time you drive past a gas station after midnight and catch a bubble in your peripherals. This guy couldn’t help himself. He’s got a wife. He doesn’t want a knife in his back. If this was some broad with double-D meat popping out of her tube top, he could’ve just honked & been on his way. It’s a different day though. If tits & ass were crystal meth, butt cheeks = Heisenberg’s “Blue Sky”. I’m not saying there’s no longer a place for giant funbags, but I’m saying I think Sir Mix-A-Lot has won.