MIAMIA Hollywood man has been arrested on charges he sexually battered his girlfriend and tormented her by killing her hamsters, police say. Joseph Gibbons-Nix, 35, was taken into custody Wednesday on multiple counts of aggravated assault, domestic battery by strangulation, sexual assault and animal cruelty charges, records show. Gibbons-Nix and his girlfriend have lived together as a couple for seven years, an arrest report said. Gibbons-Nix “intentionally caused bodily harm and forced [the woman] by threat to engage in sexual activities against her will,” the report said. He kept demanding oral sex, to which she didn’t agree, said Hollywood police spokesman Sgt. Lester Cochenour. He picked up the smaller of the two hamsters and forcefully threw the hamster on the floor, killing it instantly, the report said. He killed the second hamster by throwing it and striking it with a shoe, the report said.

Joey Nix was like “I’ll see your ‘throwing change jar at your girlfriend because she won’t blow you’ and I’ll raise you ‘killing all her hamsters.”

I don’t get these girls who won’t blow their boyfriends. Especially when they’re about to go into a psychopathic rage over it. Think of the hamsters! Do it for them. Like if my girlfriend was demanding oral sex and I thought she’d start killing my pets over it, I’d just eat her box. Yea nobody likes giving oral when they’re not in the mood but if it can spare a hamster murder rampage then I’ll just man up and go down. Its your boyfriend – chances are you’re going to blow him again at some point. Most girls will be like “I’ll give my boyfriend a blow job on his birthday and Christmas.” Well you might also wanna add “Nights when he’s threatening to kill all our hamsters” to that list of special dick sucking days. Avoid a whole mess and keep all your pets alive.

PS – I also don’t sympathize with this chick at all because anyone who owns hamsters is a stark raving lunatic. If you need to refer to the List of Acceptable Pets vs. Unacceptable Pets, here you go