The Sun – MIKE SCOTT loves his ted Bluey so much he encourages the cuddly bear to boss his girlfriend around. With a little help from 28-year-old Mike, the teddy even orders Hayley Cummins, 22, to make him a drink. Mike, a sales support manager from Hoddesdon, Herts, says: “Bluey lives on top of the drawers in my bedroom and when Hayley and I are in there he has been known to ‘join in’ the conversations. “Bluey might tell Hayley to go and make me a cup of tea or get up and make us breakfast. “It’s just messing about but he definitely has a personality. He usually gets a withering look from Hayley in return. “If Bluey really could walk and talk I’d take him down the pub. “I think he would be good company, but he’d have to drink halves – he’s only little.” “Bluey usually stays out of sight in the bedroom – only girlfriends and family get to meet him. “Hayley is a stuffed toy fanatic so I wasn’t worried about introducing her to Bluey. I think she finds it cute.” Receptionist Hayley says: “I clocked Bluey the first time I went back to Mike’s but didn’t ask about him for months. I didn’t want to make Mike feel silly but eventually I asked who he was. “When Mike told me, he was embarrassed and proud but I loved that he trusted me enough to open up to me about his bear. “After a year Bluey started coming to life. Now I frequently get bossed around by him, telling me to cook and clean. Luckily, I think it’s funny.”
I gotta get me one of these. Not just one of these teddy bears, one of these broads who let me boss them around via my teddy bear. Play the whole “I trust you enough to let you in on my most embarrassing secret,” and by the time she can say “awww” I’ll have Bluey the Bear telling her to suck my dick. Be like a ventriloquist with a dummy and put on a baby talk voice and be like “Thats right! Me and KFC have been bestest friends forever and ever! All KFC has ever wanted was a ham and cheese sandwich with mayo and a blow job before bed! Only problem is, I don’t have opposable thumbs or a mouth capable of sucking dick. Can you help us out??” What kind of cold hearted bitch can say no to a fuzzy little teddy bear, right? Sounds a lot better if a fuzzy bear asks for shit instead of some out of shape drunk underachiever. Imagine if you had that little motherfucker Snuggle Bear who advertises fabric softener barking out orders? “But I weally weally think KFC would wuv some anal! I pwomise he’ll be weally gentle! Like my fabwic softener!” Good luck saying no to him, babe.