You don’t see me going down to mothefuckin Wall Street pickin up a fuckin briefcase trying type, do you? No. Because thats not what the fuck I do. I beat the fuck out of people.

You look like all the nerds had a convention on your body. Like all the nerds of the world said, you know what? I know where to go.” And they went to your punk ass

I bet you somebody gave you a wedgie on your way you. I bet you fart and thread come out.

Where’d you get those shorts? Those look like 1972 NBA Eastern Conference Finals shorts.

Lotta these cats…I wish they’d just forget the address to the gym.

Let me ask you something – when you go to your accountant to get your taxes done, what kind of guy to you want to see? You wanna walk into an office and see a white nerd in a suit with glasses and one of those calculators with the roll of paper for receipts wearing one of those visor hats. Right? When you go to your lawyer, you wanna see a old rich Jew who’s last name ends with -stein or -berg. Right?

Well when you go for boxing lessons, what you want is Eric Kelly. You don’t want some roided up Guido personal trainer. You don’t want some Tae Bo kick boxer who’s working with housewives and young women. You want a mean, bad ass thug like Eric Kelly who has undoubtedly killed a few men with his bare hands. If I couldn’t be trained by Micky Goldmill, well then Eric Kelly is my next best choice. Dude is the quintessential boxer.

PS – Black people are so goddam funny. Theres no doubt this guy is as dumb as a box of rocks but he is as clever and witty and quick as they come. Its like they’re born with it. Black people are born with 6 packs, 40 inch vertical leaps, and the uncanny ability to make fun of people with one liners.