Eva Longoria Broke It Off With Sanchez Because The Jets Always Put Him In A Bad Mood. Welcome To My Life.
TMZ - It wasn’t another woman that got between Mark Sanchez and Eva Longoria … it was 52 other men … TMZ has learned. Sources connected to the former couple tell us … they broke up because Mark was impossible for Eva to be around because he was in such a crappy mood over the NY Jets’ horrible season. As one source puts it, “It’s hard to maintain a relationship when one person is upset all the time.” FYI — the Jets are 3-4 and coming off another heartbreaking loss to Tom Brady’s Patriots. Despite the split, we’re told the two are serious about remaining friends — and have nothing but respect for each other.
Imagine that! Jets mediocrity putting someone in a bad mood all the time. Putting strain on a relationship because every week is a borderline near death experience. Not sure if I ever heard of that except oh wait thats been the story of my entire life. Chicks who just can’t comprehend why I get so upset or so angry during my struggles as a Mets and Jets fan. Saying stupid shit like “Its ok! They’ll win tomorrow!” “There’s always next week!” “Next year!” Hey babe shut the fuck up! Its been this way for the last 20 years and its gonna continue to be this way until I’m rotting in a box! Don’t tell me its ridiculous, don’t tell me its gonna be ok, and don’t you fucking dare say something like “Why can’t you just be a Yankees fan?” I don’t care if you’re some floozy I dated in college or Eva Longoria its all the same. Just shut the fuck up because there’s nothing you can do to make me feel better.
Except probably blow me. That will probably work. At least for like 6 or 7 minutes. But I’m still gonna be really pissed off and really upset afterwards.
So, I, for one, totally understand whats going on with Eva and Mark. And believe me, Mark, you’re better off. Sure, now every time the Jets lose this season you’ll wanna lock yourself in a dark room and huff paint out of a tube sock like you’re Charlie Kelly writing Day Man. Yes, you’ll be cold and alone with nobody to pull you out of the depression. But you’ll be free to be who you are. No stupid girl bothering you telling you that you’re overreacting. Free to wallow in your own emotional filthy and misery.
Except bro you’re the quarterback so do me a favor and handle things a little bit better than I do.