So I try to keep a pretty regular gym regimen because “I write for Barstool” works with girls about as often as “I wanna wear your skin as my face,” and I need to supplement what I’m bringing to the table. I can’t understand for the life of me, however, when the transition from ‘guy who goes about his workout with human noises and mannerisms’ to ‘Planet Fitness commercial asshole’ happens. So I’m gonna exploit the reach that Barstool provides in an effort to start a social revolution. If you’re one of the following people, kill yourself. Everybody hates you.
Probably the fan favorite when it comes to this list. You may as well be a terrorist because that’s honestly how much most people in this world hate you. I’m all about pushing yourself to the limit and digging deep for that last rep, but a big exhale usually suffices when it comes to relieving yourself after all that energy is exerted. Ending your squat with a floor-shaking grunt and “Fuck I feel good!” is so unnecessary in this environment. Go lift tires and shit in an open field like Tebow if you wanna do this. It you want to pretend you’re the only one in the area, be the only fucking one in the area. I’m also gonna group in the guys who put those chains on the barbell. I see no fitness-related purpose for this. Gyms are pretty good with supplying every increment of weight you could ever need. Stop being a prick and just admit you want to make more noise than anybody else so people will look at you. Might as well be stomping a kick drum while you’re benching.
External Speakers on iPod Guy