iO9 – The Frankenstorm, which got its name fromNational Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration forecaster Jim Cisco, will be the result of three major weather systems coming together. The primary engine fueling the storm will be the remnants of Hurricane Sandy, a Category 2 storm that is currently making life miserable in Haiti and Cuba. Once it makes its way up the East coast, it will be reinvigorated by an early winter storm coming in from the West, and a blast of arctic air from the North. And as if to add insult to injury, the storm will co-incide with a full moon — a time when tides are at their highest. Government meteorologists say there’s a 90% chance that  the storm will hit as predicted, up from 60% two days ago. Speaking to the AP, Cisco noted, “We don’t have many modern precedents for what the models are suggesting.” He worries that it could be historic in terms of its scope and the damage it may inflict.

Where and when will it hit?

The storm will have an impact on coastal areas ranging from Florida to the Canadian Maritime provinces, but the full force of its effects will be felt in New Jersey and New York City. It’s expected to reach these areas on Sunday October 28, with the brunt of it hitting on Tuesday October 30. And the storm could linger. Meteorologists are worried that it could stall and batter the area for as much as five to six days, not leaving until some time around November 1 or 2.

How serious will it be?

Extremely serious. This is an unprecedented storm for which the models are predicting some fairly serious effects. Coastal areas can expect gale-force winds, heavy rain, extreme tides, flooding, and possibly snow. Experts predict it could cause as much as $1 billion in damages.

Frankenstorm! S’noreastercane! The Full Moon and the high tides! The trees are still in leaf! Blahbbity blah blah blah. I’m so sick of these thunderstorms. Always getting overhyped and overrated. If Sports Illustrated did a poll of all the other weather systems, they would vote Hurricane Sandy the most overrated. The last time they talked about a storm like this was Hurricane Irene. Evacuating people and shit and it just turned out to be a rain storm. Get a grip, New York. All this “unprecedented” talk. Shit happens once a year. Quit being such pussies.

The only good that comes from all this hysteria is the inevitable press conference Bloomberg is gonna have to hold to address the emergency. He’s such a bitter old salty Jew when he does those things. He’s gonna be like “Uhhh yea its gonna rain a lot make sure you have an umbrella no further questions good night.” Spike the mic on the ground and walk off with the double middle finger in the air.