NY Daily News- A Kentucky man’s family was able to satisfy his dying wish this week and give a local waitress an emotional surprise when they gave her a $500 tip on a pizza. Aaron Collins died just three days after his July 7 birthday, and his family says his last request was for them to spread some generosity to an unsuspecting stranger. “He left us a will full of his personality,” his brother Seth wrote in a July 9 post on a tribute website. “He asked that any debt he owed his parents be repaid should he have money in the bank at his death, but also had the following request: Third, leave an awesome tip (and I don’t mean 25%. I mean $500 on a f***ing pizza) for a waiter or waitress.” Word spread quickly after the family posted Aaron’s wish online, and by July 11 they had raised enough money to make their first gift, which they captured in an emotional video posted to YouTube. In the clip, the family surprises a young waitress at a Lexington restaurant called Puccini’s Smiling Teeth, where they hand her a wad of cash when she comes to the table. Aaron’s family shared the video on his tribute website and called for more donations in his memory, saying they would continue to give them to waiters and waitresses in $500 chunks the way he would have wanted.

It’s things like this that warm the cockles of my heart. Not only does this tale prove the existence of some good in this world, despite it being buried  under lays of corruption of and ulterior motives, but it also illuminates the selfless actions of life’s unsung heroes. You’ve got Aaron’s brother, Seth setting up this website like Walt Jr. You’ve got people actually donating to it. And you’ve got big-time news publications covering and promoting the cause. Then, on the complete opposite end of the human spectrum, right down at the bottom in the piece of shit range, you’ve got KFC trying to shake down stoolies for a $150,000 retirement fund.

I can’t even begin to describe the emotions I would feel if I ever got a $500 tip. This waitress is a Goddamn ice box; Strasser tears would flood the porch if this ever went down on one of my routes. The tip-emotional response index breaks down as follows:

0-$2.99: Wouldn’t even blink if I found out you got murdered tomorrow. 100% chance I’m bypassing the cement path back to your driveway and walking across your lawn instead.

$3-$4.99: I understand you, sir or madam. You have a family to feed and another baby on the way. Thank you for keeping my well-being in your heart.

$5-$9.99: Delusional thoughts and a false perception that people actually respect me.

$10+: Playing with house money the rest of the night. No more fake laughing at jokes about staying cool out there. Brotha already got paid, stop wasting my time.

P.S.- After that little debacle with Kansas City, which I’m pretty sure ended in some people getting fired, I could really use a Karmic boost. Go to aaroncollins.org and make this kid’s dying dream a reality. And Seth, if you’re reading this, it would behoove you to come east and give the next donation to KFC and myself on #LazyEyePizza day, which is going down in the next couple weeks.