Personally, I’d be embarrassed for anyone that doesn’t beat this doofy, Eli Manning looking motherfucker.

So here it is, boys and girls. We’ve come to the first Yankee/Red Sox showdown of the season. Not only are the Yanks gonna put a hurting on the Sox during their shitty little 100th anniversary of Fenway, but in the spirit of this festive weekend, Barstool and Fan Duel are offering a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Free Roll is out the window. This Friday, we’re playing for keeps. $10 entry into the 111 person tournament for a chance at a $1,000 cash prize. PLUS anybody who beats El Pres wins an extra $10.

I don’t even care about the cash prize. Yes, $1,000 would be nice, but I’m here for the honor of beating El Pres. Zero respect here at the Stool for Pizza Boy. Fuck that. I’ve watched enough episodes of Oz in my life to know how to handle a situation like this. This is my first Fan Duel showdown and I’m treating it like a new prisoner’s first day in jail. I’m not coming in here all teary eyed and afraid with KFC yelling “new fish!” as I pass by his cell. No, I’m challenging the biggest motherfucker to a fight in order to establish my male dominance and mark my territory. That means you, Pres. I’m about to grab my metaphorical prison lunch trey and blindside you. Personally, I’d like to raise the stakes and play for majority ownership of the site, but I don’t see my $154 savings account matching up with the Barstool empire.

YOU MUST BE SIGNED UP FOR FAN DUEL VIA BARSTOOL TO PARTICIPATE IN THE PRES SMACKDOWN. So there you have it, stoolies. The challenge has been thrown down. This Friday, enjoy 4/20 the way God intended. Go green, order some food, watch the Yankees slap the Sox around like they owe us money, and beat el presidente in Fan Duel.