(Dude in the back is enjoying this scene a little too much)

Daily NewsDoes the world’s most expensive hot dog cut the mustard? Frankly, yes, declared a woman who forked over $69 for the winning wiener Friday. “It was great. Great flavor,” said tourist Trudy Tant, 49, who played a key role in helping a Manhattan restaurant savor another Guinness World Record. Tant, of Rock Hill, S.C., said she was outside Serendipity 3 on E. 60th St. Friday morning – National Hot Dog Day – when owner Stephen Bruce asked her to spend her dough on the pricey frankfurter. The publishing company worker said she relished the opportunity “to do something out of the ordinary.” The haute dog, prepared by head chef Joe Calderone, comes with truffle oil, a salted pretzel bed, truffle butter, duck foie gras, Dijon mustard, Vidalia onions and ketchup. Tant paid for the foot-long with Guinness World Records official Kimberly Patrick looking on. The restaurant racked up the priciest dog record right away; there was no previous titleholder, Patrick said. Bruce said he chose to set a hot dog record because the frank is as American as apple pie. The restaurant also holds the record for the most expensive ice-cream sundae – at a rich $1,000 – and the largest hot chocolate at 4 gallons.

So the chick behind the counter gives you an HJ after you buy this hot dog right? Like a Rub and Tug but more like a Frankfurter and Tug? I admit it doesn’t really have the same ring to it without the internal assonance but for 69 bucks I better get my rocks off along with this hot dog. Also this thing sounds fuckin disgusting. Duck and truffle oil? The fuck is that about? I’ll go to Lou’s Hot Dog Truck off of Sanford Boulevard in Mt. Vernon right now and my boy Tommy will hook me up with 3 Chili Cheese Dogs for like 6 bucks that will blow this foot long piece of shit out of the water. What’s that you ask? Why does a guy named Tommy run a truck that’s called Lou’s? Oh I don’t know, maybe because he’s so awesome and his hot dogs taste goddam good that he can do whatever the fuck he wants? And if you’re from Westchester and you know what I’m talking about and you try to tell me that Walter’s has better hot dogs I will punch you square in your stupid, tasteless face. Those hot dogs are like white/gray and nobody likes when you split them down the middle thats just weird.

Anyway, back to this stupid million dollar hot dog and more specifically Serendipity. Serendipity fuckin sucks. Place is for the ducks. One Valentine’s Day probably like 5 years ago I walked across town to go to one of the 9 Serendipity’s in the city, waited for like 6 hours, and then got this famous frozen hot chocolate that completely sucks. Everyone realizes that this frozen hot chocolate is just like a chocolate slushy, right? I can get one at 7-11 for like 3 bucks that will taste just the same. So I walked in the bitter cold for like an hour, waited for an hour, and then spent like $50 on two chocolate slushies. But my girlfriend at the time let me have sex with the lights on that night, so I guess it was all worth it, right!?