For All My 30-Something Borderline Suicidal Stoolies Out There – Rate This “We’re Not Young” Parody
We’ve accomplished almost nothing, have no money, wheres my gunnnn
I’m not quite into that 30-something stage of depression, so I can’t know for sure, but I’d imagine this is pretty spot on. Girlfriends pestering you for a ring. All your friends married with kids. Body breaking down. Getting fat. Drinking more. Staying home and watching Modern Family. Playing Words with Friends.
And oh my God almighty that improv class thing better be a serious exaggeration. If I catch myself in an improv class to try and have fun I will absolutely kill myself on the spot. Oh and the bathroom scene. Maybe I’m just being naive but I am REALLY confident I won’t ever reach the point where I want to brush my teeth while my wife pisses. Please tell me I’m not being naive. Please tell me that won’t happen. Please?
Vote 1 for too dramatic Vote 10 for this is spot on for how depressing your 30s can be
(223 votes, average: 9.17 out of 10)
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Ugh. God damn spot on! I’m fuckin depressed. Thanks for that, Dick! I’m gonna go play words with friends.
KFC, as a counter to this and to make your blogging day awesome. FratMusic.com (I know, gay blah blah blah) just release an all “Call Me Maybe” remix playlist.
Don’t be mistaken, its fucking en fuego. I just have to find a loop of Tisdale doing that little ass gyrating move that runs for like 4 hours and I’ll be in heaven.
What? Bullshit. I love my mortgage, weekend chores, 7 year-old roommate, grays and eligibility to 30-and-over hockey leagues.
30s aren’t depressing when it’s bonus season and you’re ready to drop another 100k into your bank account. But I see your point, you’re fucked.
This is brilliant
This is so fucked up I’m really ofariw;ohfg9owru8fgh8ahowhocvhwrvbhaworfglklhfiohdfh8ehf8ehfh8e8hwefhwh0pao
Wait I’m still alive call 91____________________________________________
FUCKING SPOT ON, DEAR GOD THIS WAS GOOD HAHHAHA
i wonder how elpres feels about this, being 40 and shit
@talentlesshack cool story bro, you make 500k a year too bro? on barstool, give me a break lol
@ six ten, yeah i love my mortgage too bro
I cant get married … Im a 30 year old boy
10, minus the improv
10, minus the improv
I can see how the idea of turning 30 is depressing to a fat blogger, but it’s not such a big deal for those of us that didn’t flush away our futures to stay at home and creep Facebook.
PS if you find yourself at an Improv, it’s not because you’re 30, it’s because you enjoy dick in your butt.
just turned 30 – not that different from 25-27 yet. 40 is going to blow.
Being in your 30′s really isnt that bad if you have a real job and life. If your 30 and still pretend your in college and think its cool to talk about what a waste of life you are, then I can see why you might want to off yourself. Therefore you should kill yourself.
Goddy? Droman?
What makes you think she is taking a piss? That’s life’s cruel joke, that hot 25 year old you’re working won’t hesitate to shit in front of you at 35…or maybe it’s just especially depressing for me. Which may explain why I’m 36 and am a devoted fan to a website where college students are the niche market. I’M LIVING VICARIOUSLY BECAUSE THAT’S ALL I GOT LEFT!
i smoke much more grass now that im 30. hangovers knock the shit out of me these days. plus, yard work and shit around my house are much more “fun”
Also, my wife and I have an agreement regarding the bathroom. Dont fucking come in when the other is in there. I am very upfront about how much of a turn off it is to think of her taking a deuce. I understand women have to shit too, but doesnt mean i have to be involved.
for all of you who wonder why i do what i do, why i surround myself with college kids and party with them, and do all the same shit i did in my 20s….THIS IS WHY. i have so many friends in that position, and i’m DREADING IT. they’re clearly miserable. i called a friend of mine to congratulate him on the birth of twins. i hadn’t heard until a couple months after, so it was a late call. this kid partied as hard as anyone i knew. i said, “so how’s the dad thing?” and in the most depressed voice you ever heard, he says “it’s….it’s a game-changer.” i wanted to blow his head off FOR him. so why be in a rush to “GROW UP?” shit is for the birds, i’m extending this part of my life as far as i can. not like i can come back to it later. say what you want about it, but i’m happy as fuck to be doing it.
hey bob loblaw, girls dont shit
KFC–take it from someone who’s made it through their 30s, into their early 40s and who still gets carded on occasion: the 30s are great. It really is the peak for a human. You still have good health and are still physically able for pretty much anything and yet you’ve been around the block a few times, are a legit gown-up and have some wisdom to go along with everything else. Just live clean, keep your mind healthy and your body healty. You’ll be fine. I’m 42 and most people think I’m 32.
Dro, you should have beaten him to death with a tire iron.
I fucking hate my life and im only 25. I work my balls off just to get criticized, most of my money is gone before i even see it, and I’m lonely as shit. Actually, Dro, i need you to swing by and off me first.
take it from a 40-something – stay in shape – you’ll be a lot happier winding your way along in life.
Fat, Drunk and Stupid is no way to go through life:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bK-Dqj4fHmM
dudebro, you’re actually in the toughest spot right now. fresh out of college, working for less than you’re worth, eating shit from superiors at work left and right, post-college chicks want guys who are “established” [read: rich]…but it gets better, don’t worry. i remember this dude i worked with like 5 or 6 years ago, i was probably 26 or 27, and he was 35 or 36. two little kids and wife, but he was cool as fuck, and was laying pipe on a pretty prize piece of a 22-year old chick at our job, which is probably a dick move given he has a family, but that’s a different story. i said to him “rob, you give me faith in my 30s.” and he goes, “oh, you’re 30s are AWESOME. it’s just like your 20s, except you have money.” best advice i can give you is to stay in shape, keep the boozing moderate, and don’t fuck with coke, that’ll age the shit out of you. (actually, that hot 22 year old chick i mentioned looks TOUGH now at 28, from all the booze and drugs) but you too can live the dream. chin up, sport.
*YOUR 30s…boston public schools strike again