frannie

Nashville, Tennessee (CNN)Almost every weekend, there is a tradition called raging at Vanderbilt University. It’s a recurring, drunken activity that isn’t the proudest moment for student Frannie Boyle. After consuming large quantities of alcohol before a party, her night would sometimes end in making out with a stranger or acquaintance. Casual hook ups fueled by alcohol may be the norm across college campuses, but Boyle, now a 21-year-old junior at the school, chose to stop. Her reasons to quit hooking up echo the emotional devastation of many college students, particularly girls whose hearts are broken by the hook-up scene. “I saw it [hooking up] as a way to be recognized and get satisfaction,” said Boyle, shaking her blond ponytail. “I felt so empty then.” The hook-up culture on campuses may seem more pervasive than ever, especially as media outlets, books and documentaries rush to dissect the subject, but some college women and men are saying no. Some, like Boyle, experimented with hooking up and quit. Though she is Catholic, she says her reason for disengaging herself from the hook-up culture had more to do with the unhappiness she experienced afterward. Others influenced by religion have abstained from casual physical activity from the moment they set foot on campus.

Frannie, Frannie, Frannie. You can’t just un-slut yourself. What’s that old saying – a college slut can’t change her stripes? Yes I think thats it. You roll up to Vanderbilt and tear through the freshman boys like a blow job tornado and it’s a wrap for you, babycakes. Once you fuck some dude in the laundry room and blow some others in the study lounge you’re basically all in. Might as well be the best slut you can be because that label ain’t goin anywhere. Some things just stick with you.

And really ladies, I’ll be honest, the entire fate of the institution of marriage depends on the consistency of sluts. Let me explain – Sluts are the barometer which we use to judge wife material. Like when you finally meet a lovely chick and wanna marry her, you can compare her to the slut you knew from college who once F’d 4 dudes in one night. And you take one look at the girl you’re with now and just based on the way she acts you can decisively say “this chick has never been gangbanged. I wouldn’t mind her being the mother of my children.” But what about a wild card like Frannie Boyle? She used to be riding diesel 24/7/365, 366 on a leap year. But now she’s acting like Mother Theresa. That’s not exactly fair, is it? Its deceitful and really false advertising. You trick some poor bastard into starting a family and BAM you pass the slut gene on to your first daughter. Because you can take the girl out of the gangbang but you can’t take the gangbang out of the girl. You see what I mean? So really if you start out promiscuous, you gotta stay that way. The entire notion of the nuclear family as we know it depends upon it.