PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. — After surveying his players stretching on the morning of the New York Mets‘ first full-squad workout, principal owner Fred Wilpon reached into his pocket, pulled out a roll of $5 bills and lightheartedly flashed them for the media. “We’re OK,” said Wilpon, who has been stung by the Ponzi scheme involving Bernard Madoff, in response to a question about his finances. During a 22-minute interview Monday morning, Wilpon went on to address the progress in the sale of minority shares of the team, the future of face-of-the-franchise David Wright, the defection of Jose Reyes to the Miami Marlins, a $52 million payroll slashing and the fate of the 2013 All-Star Game, which is planned for Citi Field but has not yet been formally announced.  Wilpon said he already has all but formally sold seven $20 million, 4 percent minority shares to investors, with Major League Baseball approval granted and the money sitting in escrow. Two more shares are nearing approval by MLB, Wilpon added, while an additional two are “in the process.” In total, Wilpon said, as many as 12 shares may be sold, which would infuse as much as $240 million into the organization. That would go toward paying off a $25 million loan from Major League Baseball, pay down the first mortgage on the team and have cash on hand for operation of the franchise, Wilpon said.  “They shouldn’t be concerned about us owning the franchise, because we intend to own the franchise for a very long time,” Wilpon said about his message to fans. He then quipped: “Whether they’re happy about that right now or not, I don’t know.”

The mere fact that the Wilpons have convinced people to give them $240 million dollars without losing any type of control over this team is downright insane. INSANE. Its like they just snapped their fingers and found 12 idiots willing to hand over $25 million to the dumbest family in America. Hey me and my son are fucking retards and have ran our baseball franchise into the ground, depleted all of our family’s wealth, and have no formal plan for the foreseeable future of how we’re even gonna turn stuff around. Wanna give me 25 million bucks? SOLD! What?? I need to talk to those 12 motherfuckers IMMEDIATELY. Hey fellas we post funny videos and shit and people like to go to our techno raves, how about you give Barstool a zillion dollars and don’t get to control anything we do at all? Deal?

PS – If I ever saw Fred Wilpon waving 5 dollar bills in the air yucking it up with reporters I’d probably be in jail for murder