I can’t think of one thing that could produce this facial expression aside from shitting your pants.

It kills me to write this. People have been requesting a Freddy Garcia GTFO my team blog since start one. I’ve been lying to myself the whole time. Telling myself he’s still got it. There’s still more in the tank. Maybe the next Rookie of the Year floater he throws won’t get hit out of the stadium. All the lies! It was eating at me, and with that being said, it’s time for Freddy to find the nearest exit and get the fuck off my team. I wish you could stay, but there’s one problem, Happy. You’re not any good. Stadium programs may as well list “bullpen” as the starter on days when he pitches, cus thats who you’re seeing after the 2nd inning anyway. Girardi probably loves it though. A Freddy Garcia start guarantees a minimum 4 bullpen guys that he can add a “Y” to the end of their names when analyzing their performance in his postgame press conference. I can say one thing for sure: Pettitte just went from a luxury to a necessity real quick.

With the news surfacing yesterday from my girl Meri Marakovits that Garcia is going to the pen, David Phelps will be making Garcia’s next scheduled start on Thursday against Kansas City. Making his rotation debut against the 6-15 royals is the best thing that could have happened. It’s a nice little tune up game like the guards playing the cons in The Longest Yard. As long as Alex Gordon doesn’t Paul Crew some offense out of his ass, Phelps should do okay. Did I really just make a Longest Yard reference? Mondays are tough.

P.S.- Freddy, if you happen to see Hughes on your way to getting the fuck off my team, ask him to tag along.