NY PostIt’s great, cheap waterfront living — if you don’t mind the view of abandoned factories, the disgusting smell and the risk that if you fall in the water, you’ll corrode before you drown. A group of intrepid Brooklynites have spent at least a year living on four houseboats moored on the ultra-toxic Gowanus Canal, where they’ve been floating under the radar of city agencies that monitor safety regulations. A recent study by the US Environmental Protection Agency – which is overseeing a $500 million Superfund cleanup of the 1.8-mile canal — has warned boaters not to fall in because the waterway is a cancer-causing cesspool.  Three of the houseboats, occupied by hipster 20-somethings, are docked behind a truck lot off President and Bond streets. Neighbors said they’re known for late-night canal parties and pretty girls sunbathing on the decks. One female boater Thursday stripped down to her black bra and orange thong to sunbathe, giving passersby walking and biking over the nearby Union Street and Carroll Street bridges an eyeful. A few blocks south, off a First Street trailer lot, Adam Katzman, who has described himself as an environmentalist, lives in a fourth houseboat. His two-story vessel, the “Jerko,” has its own homemade rain-harvesting system for water, solar panels for electricity and a composting septic system, according to Web sites documenting his exploits. Katzman even set up a floating water garden with bamboo to promote new wildlife by filtering pollutants out of the canal and putting oxygen back.  “I think the boaters are nuts to live there. It toxic and it stinks!” said Lorraine Vazquez. But Raymond Howell, co-founder of the Gowanus Dredgers Canoe Club, said such concern is unwarranted. “I’ve fallen in 12 times the past 10 years, and I’m still here,” he boasted.

Nothin says “I’m a non-conformist individual who’s better than the normal population” quite like living in a floating shanty in raw sewage! Fuckin hipsters. Reminds me of the time I was walking back to campus at Fordham and I had a Sack of 10 from White Castle. Bum on the corner begged me for money and I told him I didn’t have any cash but offered him a cheeseburger. Dude turns to me with this look of disgust and goes “Man, that shit is bad for my cholesterol.” That’s when I said to myself “Kevin, I know how tasty White Castle is, but if homeless people aren’t willing to eat in, than neither should you.”

Well thats like hipsters living in a cancer swamp on floating garbage dumps. If the homeless derelicts of this world aren’t willing to live in the Gowanus Canal, than neither should the white upper class kids who’s parents would probably pay for their rent anyway if they asked. Don’t get me wrong, living in a boathouse for a little while would probably be fire. It would kinda be like Mel Gibson’s character from Lethal Weapon living in that trailer on the beach. You could probably get tons of chicks back to your spot if you lived on a boat. But thats if said boat isn’t floating on top of sewage. Boat house at Manhattan’s Boat Basin = fire. Floating barge in Gowanus Canal = cancer.

No fucking thanks, hipsters. I’ll conform to normal society and live on non-toxic solid ground while you assholes live in a raft down by the river mutating like a Japanese power plant worker.