Like I said last night, I want nothing more than to taste the salty tears running down the cheeks of the entire city of Baltimore. And yesterday’s win made some great strides toward this goal. I can only imagine the car ride home for 50,000 disheartened Baltimore fans- teary eyed Baltimore children turning to their dads from the back seat asking why the world is so cruel. How could Jim Johnson let me down, pop? And dads across the state catching their child’s eyes in the rearview mirror: “I JUST DON’T KNOW, SON! I just… don’t… know…” CC brought his A game and the team put some solid work in on ousting this stupid city from the playoffs. But let’s take a look at some other game notes.

Russell Martin- Last night’s victory begins and ends with the Canadian catcher who’s white or something but has black guy hair. His defense in the 5th is already all but forgotten, but without that play on Lew Ford’s swinging bunt (Tex had a great pick on the play too), the Yankees are facing 1st and 2nd with no outs and the top of the lineup looming. Martin’s gotten shit all year for his average looking like a north Jersey area code, but the guy has been a rock behind the plate and has come up with big hit after big hit. His home run in the 9th started the rally, and now we’re looking at going back to NY tied 1-1 worst case scenario. Outside of CC, Russell Martin was the player of the game.

A ROD, get the fuck out of the middle of my order- He still has the ability to get hot, but this version of hot A Rod is a string of games going 2-4, 3-5 with line drive singles up the middle. Alex is in the twilight of his career, but the prime of his contract- a wonderful combination that every GM dreams for. No threat of sustained power coming from number 13 anymore, and his bat is a huge fucking albatross in the middle of this order. Joe needs to shake things up. Maybe not as drastic as slotting him 8th like Torre did a couple years back in Detroit, but Alex is killing the 3-4-5 flow.

The Broadcast- Can you IMAGINE the backlash if in ten years, Derek Jeter was on the broadcast team for a Yankees vs. Orioles series? Can you even fathom the cries for bias commentating? Cal Ripken needs to get off this trio immediately. In fact, take Ernie and Smoltz with you because last night’s telecast was beyond awkward. Like accidentally sending a text talking shit about someone to that person awkward. I’ve had better small talk with cab drivers. Nothing pisses me off more than when the broadcast crew insults the baseball IQ of the fan base with stupid layup questions like “So, John, why do you think they threw up and in on Martin here? Is there a purpose behind that?” Cue a shitty analysis on setting up hitters from John Smoltz. A 30 second explanation with the flow of bumper cars. Just awful all around. Oh, and Cal Ripken is a racist. You all heard it- he called a bloop hit by Ichiro a “chinker.” Not even an intelligent racist, Cal. Ichiro’s Japanese. Wrong hole, buddy.

Altogether the team looked great last night. If CC is gonna be the ace we envision, that changes everything. Playoff production from Swisher and Tex wasn’t bad either. At one point, they were both on base at the same time and they threw each other the “what are you doing here?” look. Perennial playoff clunkers producing, good pitching, and clutch hitting could make this a fun month.

P.S.- There HAS to be one Baltimore stoolie who knows this girl from the end of last night’s game. Just way too much pain behind eyes that beautiful. Free FOAM ticket for anyone who finds me this girl: