Have watched this video no less than 25 times in the last 10 hours. Cum on cum on cum. 

I’m not gonna sit here and brag about my season long prediction that Raul Ibanez was going to be the X factor in the playoffs, despite the fact that last night’s performance defines the term. I’m not gonna remind everybody that I’ve written countless blogs on the Yankees being a home run or bust team and that someone was gonna have to step up as “that guy” in the playoffs, and my dark horse pick was creepy old Raul.

Strasser’s Uncanny Ability to Predict the Future: Yes I am. I got shit on all year for some of my forecasts but last night’s performance by Rah-Ool pretty much undid my belt buckle for me and gently placed my penis in all of your mouths. Dragged it across your nose a bit. Teased the forehead. Plop in the mouth. I went on a podcast for my friend over at WFAN a couple months ago, spewing Ibanez love all over the walls and got absolutely obliterated by listeners. I expect a bunch of apologies in the comments section cus forgiveness and admitting to being wrong is what Barstool commenters are all about.

Joe’s Gutsy Move: Joe claims that last night’s move came from his gut and not the binder, which marks the first time that robot showed signs of a sentient human thought process. Could you imagine if it didn’t work out? All the second guessing and scrutiny for believing in A Rod enough to keep him hitting 3rd, only to turn around and pinch hit for him with the game on the line. Sweeny and Feinsand battling each other for the floor in the press conference, as those weird little Girardi twitches and his stuttering got progressively more intense. Instead, the move worked out and it was Buck squirming in the hot seat, trying to pretend like last night’s loss didn’t drop his heart right into his asshole.

Kuroda: This one I’ll admit- I wasn’t on the Kuroda train til late in the season. Really didn’t think his NL style would translate, but he continues to prove all the haters wrong. Last night’s performance will be completely overshadowed by the late inning magic, but Hiroki continued this streak of incredible Yankee starting pitching. I just still don’t get how this guy can say he doesn’t have fun. How is walking off the mound in the 9th to a standing ovation from 50,000 not a top 3 life moment? Kuroda is a broken man- a broken man with one of the nastiest two seamers in the game.

Jeter: After taking a foul ball off the foot that would have sidelined Teixeira until Spring Training 2013, Jeter went with his patented Jeterian response of “I’m good” in the clubhouse after the game. He claims to be alright and heading back out to short for tonight’s game, which I don’t think anyone in the world is surprised about. Jeter would play with polio if Joe would let him. Little FDR blanket wrapped around his legs on the bench, but still maintain the ability to go the other way on the outside breaking ball with a runner on second and less than two outs.

A Rod: Let this sink in for a second- Last night was the official beginning of the end to one of the greatest careers in sports. A Rod’s on-field production has been on the decline for years now, but last night marked the beginning of the end of the A Rod name and everything it represents. The “fear” that his name on the lineup card brought to opposing pitchers, despite his recent drop in productivity has been slipping for a while, but getting pinch hit for in last night’s situation makes it official. Gotta hand it to him for taking the move so well. I usually think everything he says is insecure bullshit, but when he said that 10 years ago he woulda been pissed, but that now he’s matured, I actually believe it. Hats off to A Rod for putting the team first and not causing a stir.

Incredible game 3 all around. 2-1 in the series with Hughes going in game 4 compared to 1-2 is night and day. Put them away tonight and set our sights on Oakland cus there’s no way the A’s aren’t riding the same momentum from their win last night as the Yankees are all the way to an ALCS berth.

Sterling:

2nd home run call at 1:51. Say what you want about the guy but he absolutely annihilates walk offs.

P.S.- Anybody with videos of the home runs from inside the stadium, send them to @StoolPizzaBoy. I will be updating this blog all day with different vantage points for one of the greatest playoff performances in baseball history.