GawkerThe Galaxy water park in Erding, Germany, has barred women from using one of its “X-Treme” high-speed slides after several female guests required medical treatment for “intimate injuries.” The X-treme Faser slide, capable of free-fall speeds of up to 45mph, has reportedly injured at least six women, but has not inflicted similar harm on male riders. “These injuries are caused by the nature of the female anatomy,” park manager Marcus Maier told The Local. ”We are trying to do right by women; we don’t want to discriminate against them,” said Maier, who compared the restriction to that of a slide that requires riders to weigh at least 110 pounds. “You could argue that’s just as discriminating,” he said. A Professional Association of Gynaecologists spokeswoman called into question Maier’s claims, saying water slides were not known to cause vaginal injury. The park hopes to make the slide available to all once more as soon as it finishes developing a special protective suit for women. For now, female guests are still free to enjoy one of the park’s many other slides, including the Galaxy Brainwash and the Titty Twister.

At first when I read this I was like “Well yea this makes sense.” I had some vision of chick’s pussies filling up with water and exploding or something. Like when you overfill a water balloon. But then I realized that dudes on speed slides are risking their cock and balls way worse than chicks and their honey pots. When your dick and balls are dangling between your legs, going on a speed slide is probably the most dangerous thing you can do. Might as well just go through a car wash naked.

So what could really be so much worse for chicks on a water slide than dudes on a water slide? Could their wedgies be that much worse than mine? Guys have a lot more shit to get squeeze and smushed and pinched. Are their bathing suits just splitting their vaginas in half? I dunno man. I thought I had this all figured out when I read the headline but now I’m not so sure.

What the fuck is it girls? What happens to your pussies on a water slide that could be so devastating your entire gender gets banned? Are girls losing their virginity to the X-Treme Faser? I bet you thats fucking it! I bet you young girls go to the water park for a day of summer fun and coming back without their V-Card. Just get F’d by the X-Treme Faser and lose their flower. Don’t worry girls – your first time with a human would be just as awful as your first time with a water slide. Scary, fast, uncomfortable and its all over in under 60 seconds.