The Sun - SOPHIE, 23, lives in High Barnet in north London. She is single, works as a piano teacher and is also studying radiography. She says: “I have never found anyone sexually attractive in my life. When I think of sex, all I feel is revulsion. “The only way I could ever bring myself to have sex would be to make a baby. “And then I know that I would have to detach myself and pretend it was happening to someone else. “I have always felt like this. “When I was growing up, my friends were going out with boyfriends and talking about sleeping with them. “But I just could not imagine anyone ever being so intimate with me. “Of course, it limits my relationships because  men want to sleep with me, and I have lost boyfriends because I wouldn’t jump into bed with them. “They say: ‘What’s wrong with you?’ “Or they think I am rejecting them. “It is so hard to explain that, while I like them, I just don’t want to have sex. I cannot imagine myself actually having sex, unless I really have to, to make a child. Most asexuals do not masturbate or explore their own sexuality at all. The Asexual Visibility & Education Network now has several hundred UK members and there are asexual dating websites such as Acebook and platonicpartners.co.uk. Asexuals do not consider their condition to be a “disorder” as most are happy to be asexual. That is very different to conditions such as hypoactive sexual desire disorder, in which people seek treatment because of their loss of libido. 

Lets start off by assessing each of these prude bitches:

A. Thats a real shame. I’d put a hurtin on you.

B. Nobody is losing sleep over you not fucking

C. You’re asexual? Good. Nobody wants to suck your dick anyway

D. Thank the Good Lord you’re not trying to fuck me

Out of all the afflictions one can be cursed with, being an asexual is absolutely the worst. I’d rather be anything than asexual. I’d rather be retarded. I’d rather be blind. I’d rather be gay. Black. I’d rather be a big black blind gay retard than be an asexual. I could just sit there in the pitch black beating my big retarded dick and still find some pleasure.

I mean what do asexual people do? When you think about it, its the same as being married except worse. Married people don’t fuck at all but at least you can find 7-10 minutes of happiness per day jerking off in the bathroom. If you’re asexual, all you do is sit around not fucking and being miserable. I mean in one form or another, everything you do in this world is to get laid. Why do you have a job? To make money. Why do you need money? Because girls like money. Why do you like girls? Because you want to fuck them. Take away that desire and you take away all motivation to work. Why do you go out? To meet girls. Why do you want to meet girls? Because you want to fuck them. Take away that desire and you never go out again. Never converse with them again. You’re pretty much condemned to a life of sitting in a dark bar drinking watching sports with your buddies. Now you say “KFC, that doesnt sound so bad!” right? Wrong. The reason thats always so fun to do is because you need a break from your never ending chase to get laid and/or your eternal nagging from your wife or girlfriend that you’re with because you want to get laid.

I’m telling you, one way or another, everything you do in life leads back to trying to get your rocks off. You remove that from the equation and the world as we know it comes crumbling down. Forget about Al Qaeda. The Asexual Visibility & Education Network is the real organization we need to take down. Get rid of Acebook and AVEN because they are bringing Doomsday with them.