Mirror – Faces are instantly forgettable for sisters Donna Jones and Victoria Wardley – including their own. They both have a rare condition called prosopagnosia – face blindness – which makes them unable to identify people despite knowing them for years. They even have trouble recognising their own refelection in mirror. Victoria, 32, says: “When I see someone’s face it’s like tunnel vision. “I can make out an eye or a nose, but when I try and look at a whole face it just doesn’t work. “It’s like a blank canvas on someone’s head. “People I’ve known for ages will come up to me in the street, but until they introduce themselves I have no idea who they are. “I’m not really sure what I look like, and I couldn’t even describe my husband to you either. “We rarely take any pictures because there’s no point – we’d have no idea who was in the photo.” The sisters, from York, discovered their condition when Victoria’s doctor noticed she kept blanking him when he walked into the coffee shop where she worked. He called her in for tests – and eventually both she and Donna were diagnosed with the problem. Donna, 30, said: “I’d always thought I just wasn’t paying enough attention to people. In a way it was a relief to know something was wrong. “I’d gone up to men in supermarkets thinking they were my partner, only to realise I’d grabbed hold of the wrong man! “I even find it hard to pick out my daughter in a crowd. I feel so guilty sometimes. I should know what my own child looks like – but I just find it impossible.” She recalls another time when she was working as a bar manager and trying to get to the kitchen with an armful of empties. She said: “This woman got in my way and I just couldn’t get her to move. “I was getting so annoyed I started shouting at her – it took me a couple of minutes to realise that I was arguing with my own reflection.”
One of my favorite running themes on Barstool New York is calling out idiots who make up diseases and afflictions for sympathy and attention. Its started way back during like my first month at Barstool when I called out the Dystonia Cheerleader. Then there was the chick who was allergic to electricity. The black broad who said she has a thousand orgasms a day. Most recently was the chick who was hypersensitive to all modern technology.
But these fat bitches claiming they turn blind anytime they look at someones face may be the pinnacle for me. It combines lying attention whores with blindos – the ultimate combination for KFC hate. If you think I’m gonna sit here and let you tell some sob story about how you argue with your fucking reflection because you don’t know what your own face looks like, you’ve got another thing comin sister. Every time I meet someone I look them dead in the face, they tell me their name, and it goes in one ear, out the other, and I instantaneously forget what they look like. I turn around 5 minutes later and re-introduce myself because I don’t remember them. I don’t suffer from prosopagnosia. I suffer from being an inconsiderate, unaware asshole with a bad memory. If you look at your daughter and you see a Picasso face I’m pretty sure you could still figure out its your daughter. Because guess what? Sometimes I look at the back of someone and I can still tell who they fucking are. Natalie Portman could walk around with a rearranged Mrs. Potato Face right now and I’d still recognize her and her tits. And if you can’t tell that you’re looking at your own reflection in the mirror you don’t suffer from “face blindness” you suffer from “Down Syndrome.”