“Y’all should come to that stadium and watch us beat the Giants’ ass”

“All that salsa dancing, that’s fine, but you’ve got to come through me. I don’t plan on seeing no dancing.” – Brandon Carr

I want me some glory hole

“When you think about when players talk, you got to walk the walk” – DeMarcus Ware

I get it, Jerry Jones. When you’re not spittin’ bars about pizzas or sucking dicks through the holes of bathroom stall walls, you’re selling false hopes to Cowboys fans. That’s your job. I got no problem with Brandon Carr trying to justify his $50 mil contract by acting like he can stop Victor Cruz either. DeMarcus Ware confused me a bit by telling a team who’s 5-1 in their last 6 meetings and defending Super Bowl champs to “walk the walk”, but whatever. I guess the only thing you can do from the outside looking in is pretend it’s not real. Tonight’s gonna be a kick in your real balls, fellas, but here’s a quick history lesson.

Big Blue Rihanna’d the Cowgirls twice on national TV last year. Sacked Romo 9 times. Broke DeMarco Murray’s ankle. Cruz & Nicks took turns hauling in over 160 yards each. 2010 the teams split, but Dallas can thank Michael Boley for that. Snapping Tony Homo’s collarbone allowed Jon Kitna to lead them to their only W over NY in the past 3 years. The Giants swept 2009. 30+ points in every win. Decimation central.

To be fair, most of the games have been exciting – I’m not saying that extending the 8-year undefeated streak for defending SB champs in NFL Kickoff games will be a cakewalk. The Giants secondary is suspect – Michael Coe has his work cut out for him. Sean Locklear will have his hands full with Ware. DeMarco Murray is legit. But the Girls are without Romo’s boy-toy Jason Witten. They have a rookie CB of their own that Eli’s undoubtedly gonna pick on. And don’t be surprised if David Wilson shines tonight as a home run threat in the backfield Big Blue hasn’t had. All signs point to a stellar year, and what better way to kick it off than raising the banner in front of your biggest rival before pummeling them yet again.

I’ll be crushing Smokin’ Al’s wings & Yuenglings all night, but I’ll be tweeting with greasy fingers as well. Follow me @610Barstool