GQ - Here at GQ, we recently commissioned a survey asking men and women which attributes they believe maketh the ideal man. Our results suggest that both men and women value kindness and honesty over physical attractiveness and only one per cent of those surveyed considered “well endowed” as an important characteristic.

The responses were far from unanimous though with GQ editor in chief Nick Smith commenting, “We’re pretty sure the ideal man doesn’t exist, but we’ve had a lot of fun trying to find out what that ideal would be if he did. It’s heartening that personality traits rather than looks seems to be most important. But who could be honest, kind, funny and intelligent all at the one time? Not me. Maybe Ryan Gosling.”

Survey findings – what makes a man close to ideal?

  • Honesty.
  • Kindness.
  • Intelligence.
  • Has a good sense of humour.
  • More likely to have blue eyes than brown.
  • Speaks at least two languages.
  • More important that he is romantic than good in bed.
  • Meat eaters are preferred to vegetarians.
  • Is a good listener.

Survey findings – moderately important characteristics:

  • Drives a European car.
  • Wears a suit to work.
  • Has a degree.
  • Is clean shaven.

What do men think makes themselves ideal (more so than women)?

  • The ability to provide for their families.
  • Confidence.
  • Style.

See now heres the thing about surveying women to find out whats ideal:

They have no fucking idea what they are talking about.

You show me a list of characteristics that the majority of women deem to be ideal, and I’ll show you a list of shit you should do the complete opposite. Everything they think they want and value is boring as fuck. “Speak at least 2 languages?” Yea, that really fuckin matters girls. Me speaking German is really gonna sweep you off your feet. I could tell half the sluts at the bar I speak German and they’d have no idea whether I really did or not because chances are they only speak fucking English anyway.

Stupid shit like that doesn’t matter at all. The two things you need are confidence and/or humor. Thats it. Good looks helps and style helps and money can be an automatic bingo, but that shit ain’t necessary. And the fact that all those things were high on the men’s list and at the bottom of the women’s list proves thats exactly what works. Because while girls think they have the world figured out and they think men are stupid and aren’t in touch with female feelings, bottom line is those dudes only exist in The Notebook and there’s a reason why: our way hasn’t stopped working yet. Go ahead and continue to slowly die of boredom talking to the dude in the suit driving the European sports car speaking in German. You can call him “ideal” all you want, but chances are you’ll end up waking up next to the funny dude in the t shirt.